Unforgiven: Preview

So yeah, I've been away from this place for a while. Been busy finishing my thesis, so barely enough time to watch wrestling lately, let alone write about it. But I will be posting back-dated reports for the last few Raws and SmackDown!s during the week, and as luck would have it, I'm back here in time for tonight's pay-per-view extravaganza, Unforgiven.

Now, when I say 'extravaganza', I really mean it'll be shit. Even at first glance, tonight's card looks fucking woeful; I have a feeling the end results will be much the same, if not far worse. Let's have a look at the, ugh, rundown:

Shelton Benjamin vs Kerwin White Oh. My. God. It's not just George Bush who hates black people - it seems like Stephanie McMahon does too. Prediction: Even if Benjamin does win, it'll take more than a shower to wash away the stench of racism that pervades this whole angle.

Trish and Ashley vs Victoria and Torrie At least Trish Stratus is back. Prediction: Sorry, you were saying something? I was thinking about Trish Stratus.

WWE Tag Team Champions The Hurricane and Rosey vs Lance Cade and Trevor Murdoch This will be an awful, awful match. There's absolutely nothing going for it. Prediction: Cade and Murdoch will win the titles, not that it matters.

The Big Show vs Snitsky This match would only be interesting if it had some crazy stipulation, like an exploding barbed wire cage match or something. But alas... Prediction: If I haven't fallen asleep by this point, this'll do it.

Edge vs Matt Hardy This is the only potentially good match on the card. Which means it'll likely be a letdown. Prediction: anything could happen, but it's safe to assume that the feud will continute whatever does.

Shawn Michaels vs Chris Masters Is this Michaels' punishment for slagging off Hulk Hogan? Surely he has enough stroke to get himself out of this mess. I don't get it. Prrediction: Oh it'll be rotten. But the end of it will be interesting, if only to see how they manage to preserve both men's reputations.

IC Champion Carlito vs Ric Flair I don't like Ric Flair. He's just too old and looks silly. Carlito I normally like, but he'll look just as bad as Flair. This match hasn't got much to recommend it, then. Prediction: whoever wins, it will be definitely not cool.

WWE Champion John Cena vs Kurt Angle Um, haven't these two faced each other a gazillion times already on SmackDown!? What makes this one any different? Prediction: I don't give a fuck, really.

Boy, you can tell how much I'm looking forward to tonight's show, can't you?