The Irish Whip

Kurt Angle bows out

2006-08-26T17:04:00.001+01:00

Can you say, whaaaa?:

Due to personal issues, Kurt Angle has been granted an early release from his contract. WWE looks forward to establishing a new relationship with Kurt in the near future.

Maybe the issues regarding his marriage and his health have finally reached a peak. Who knows? In any case, it's probably for the best.

Many of his fans have been begging him to quit while he's ahead for some time now; we don't want to see him become another Dynamite Kid.

Here's hoping he can sort out himself (and his life) properly. By doing what's right for himself and his family, he's doing right by his fans and for the business.

Good luck, Kurt.

GAB Post-Mortem; SmackDown! Notes

2006-08-06T19:46:00.000+01:00

So the Bash wasn't actually the complete disaster I had anticipated, given the hasty reworking of the card's biggest matches. It still made absolutely no sense for the Undertaker (American) to fight The Big Show (American) in a Punjabi Prison match, but at least Show can pull off a good match now and then, unlike the walking jinx that is the Great Khali, so we're probably much better off for it.

It was also a good decision, whether it was made as a result of the talent issues or not, to give the undercard bouts plenty of room to breathe. It pretty much salvaged what could have been an absolute stinker of a show, letting the younger guys strut their stuff without the usual time restrictions.

But still, it wasn't specatular enough to warrant me commenting any sooner than now, some two weeks later. What can I say? It's a summer slump. Even the sudden influx of new talent to the SmackDown! brand hasn't been sparking my interest much -- maybe because they're doing too much too soon to compensate for the victims of the Wellness Program.

Back in my day, Creative would bring out a new character once every three or four weeks; nowaways you get stagnancy for months, then a whole bumch of anonymous newbies get thrown in at once, and we're expected to care? Oy!

But enought abnout that. Tonight I'll get to see the new ECW's 'triumphant' return to the Hammerstein Ballroom, so this week coming seems as good a time as any to flesh out some of my thoughts and opinions on the revival.

The (Not So) Great American Bash

2006-07-22T19:42:00.000+01:00

I can't be the only one who sees the funny side in the fact that three wrestlers involved in three of the biggest angles scheduled for tomorrow night's Great American Bash have been pulled from the road and, in turn, the pay-per-view.

Not only is Mark Henry out following the knee injury he suffered at Saturday Night's Main Event last week -- and which he should have seen coming, with the amount of weight he carries -- but it was announced today that both Bobby Lashley and The Great Khali have been nixed due to liver ailments. (I'm not even going to speculate about certain chemical substances and what they can do to the body, ahem...)

Which basically means that any reason that anyone might have had to pay for the show is gone, and the booking team will basically be winging it -- prepare yourselves, ladies and gents, for the worst show of the year by far!

You know, I might even stay up and watch the whole thing; it's a car crash waiting to happen.

PS: This isn't the first time The Great American Bash has been subject to last-minute card changes; the event has a notorious precendent in this respect.

Head To Head, One Night Stand, and Beyond

2006-06-14T11:41:00.000+01:00

Well, a week has passed, and ECW is now officially back in operation. And it isn't even just a rebranding of OVW (which is still alive for the forseeable future) -- it's a dedicated brand extension.

It's beginning, however, wasn't particularly mindblowing. In fact I was mightily pissed off when the satellite feed went down five minutes into the 'Head to Head' special last Wednesday night and didn't come back till almost 3am, meaning that I stayed up half the night to see only half the show. And even at that it was nothing special. So my hopes weren't too high for One Night Stand.

Which was a good thing, since the show wasn't a patch on last year's card. For one, Tazz's 'match' with Jerry Lawler was a joke -- you can't introduce a man as 'the human suplex machine' and then not have him throw a suplex! In addition, the Rey Misterio/Sabu match had a bullshitty ending, despite the sick-looking table spot that led to it (it snapped at the end, not in half, so it looked like a blown spot -- good work on that one, at least). And Balls Mahoney and Masato Tanaka were only given a few minutes to do their thing, boiling down the 'extreme' quotient of the show a little too much.

But of course it wasn't all bad. The WWE vs ECW tag team match was a spot-fest beyond: Terry Funk hit the barbed wire hard and bled -- as good ol' JR says -- like a stuck pig, and I don't think Mick Foley has been that close to fire (WrestleMania XXII excepted) since the King of the Death Matches tournament in 1995.

Kurt Angle, too, was phenomenal in his match with Randy Orton, feeding off the energy of the ECW crowd and giving them a real 'wrestling' match to boot. Orton was cleary out of his league, so he wisely stuck to selling for most of the bout -- although whenever he did get the upper hand, he was obviously enjoying the venom the crowd directed his way. It's usually better to play the heel, after all.

And Rob Van Dam beating Cena for the title was what everyone wanted. Even Cena seemed to be fine with it, getting into the hostility towards his character -- he's the man we all love to hate now, and he's finally getting used to it.

The celebrations continued last night with the premiere of ECW's new weekly show on the US version of the Sci-Fi Channel. It'll be shown over here on Sky Sports this Sunday so I'll have to wait until then to pass judgement, but from the photos posted on the ECW website, it doesn't really look like ECW.

Sure, the entrance area is there, and it says ECW on the canvas. But the ringside barrier is WWE-safe, and the ringposts are SmackDown! silver, which only brings home the notion that the 'new' ECW is a B-show to the B-show.

Top that off with the fact that the ECW website is obviously a sub-site of WWE.com -- hell, it doesn't even have its own domain -- and you have a bit of a mish-mash that's going to take some time to gel into a truly unique prospect, rather than just a pool of hardcore guys to feed into the main brands for higher ratings or more pay-per-view buys.

More Thoughts on the 'New' ECW

2006-06-07T18:14:00.000+01:00

Things have moved on considerably since my last post on this topic, but more with a whisper than a scream.

The ECW revival finally begins tonight -- ahead of One Night Stand II this Sunday -- with the 'Head to Head' special on USA Network (it starts at 2am here on Sky Sports, so I'm in for a late night). Considering the gravity of the whole situation for many wrestling fans, the build-up has been pretty low-key by WWE standards, even compared to last year's One Night Stand. It isn't even the main storyline on Raw: that belongs to Triple H's 'road to Damascus' feud with Vince McMahon, which as everyone knows will culminate with the revival of those other '90s renegades Degeneration-X at the end of this month.

In fact, the whole 'head to head' concept has pretty much come out of nowhere storyline-wise. And that's not a good omen for where the McMahons want to see the brand taken.

Something else that I've noted is the sheer number of old-school ECW mainstays who have been signed to be a part of the 'new' ECW. Now I can see the business sense in that -- not counting last year's event, ECW has been defunct for six years, so it would be stupid to relaunch it without any of the faces that helped popularise the brand as a force to be reckoned with.

But on the other hand, doing what they're doing is slightly anathema to what ECW was and what it did back in the day. Aside from the extreme action that was its calling card, ECW made a point of pushing the types of wrestlers who couldn't make it in the big leagues at the time, and did the same for grizzled veterans of the Big Two who found their careers in the doldrums. Johnny Polo is a great example: he was pretty much a nobody, barely hanging on at the tail-end of the WWF's golden age of managers -- but in ECW he became Raven, capturing the zeitgeist in an instant. And there was Aldo Montoya, another WWF mid-carder/jobber going nowhere fast -- but with a little spin from Paul Heyman he became Justin Credible, someone that ECW's fans were thrilled to see in action.

Over in WCW, there was Robbie V, known for wrestling barefooted and not exactly setting the world alight -- but in ECW he was Rob Van Dam, the 'Whole Fucking Show', and is still one of the most popular stars employed by the WWE today. And of course, there was Steve Austin: released from WCW in the worst manner possible (he was forced to drop the US Title to Hacksaw Jim Duggan in less than a minute) because Eric Bischoff didn't know what do to with him, he found a home in ECW where he could exercise his natural wit and charisma, and sewed the seeds for the biggest stage in his career -- he moved on to the WWF within months and, after an initial misstep as 'The Ringmaster', he became 'Stone Cold' Steve Austin, won the 1996 King of the Ring tournament, an uttered the catchphrase that sold a billion t-shirts.

The point I'm making is that ECW's bread and butter wasn't really in 'hardcore', but in pushing or creating its own new stars, whether out of new talent just emerging from the indies or veterans of the Big Two who were never given a chance to live up to their potential. The hardcore stuff was an adrenalin rush, for sure, but you can ask any regular at the ECW Arena -- that wasn't the only reason ECW sold tickets. Where talent was concerned, Paul Heyman had a gift for turning crap into gold. I can't count the number of times he repackaged WWF and WCW rejects, only for the big boys to snatch them back as soon as they could after Heyman laid down the ground work.

The 'new' ECW that we're about to get our first glimpse of tonight -- last year's pay-per-view notwithstanding -- is a very different prospect. It's almost like a tribute show to the original ECW, with the same old characters doing the same old shit. Please don't get me wrong; as someone who could only read about ECW back in the '90s it's exciting to finally see these guys do their thing in the ring. But it's also slightly sad, because it's like nothing has changed in the last six years -- when the original ECW was all about change, and looking forward to the future.

I don't doubt for a second that Paul Heyman is thinking exactly the same thing. He knows getting the veterans, the ECW faces, back in is just a part of the initial strategy; to draw in the marks, so to speak. Then, once he's got an audience to play with, he'll do what he really wants to do -- that's to give us something different in the ring from what we're used to, and push the kind of developmental talent that won't find a place on Raw or SmackDown! no matter how good they are. Give him a few months to work out the kinks, and we really will have a 'new' ECW.

At least that's what I'm hoping for, anyway. As long as the McMahons leave him to do what he does best (this time he doesn't have to worry about the money) I can see it happening, and I can see it becoming a huge success. But if Vince calls the shots and turns it into a travelling tribute show? Well, let's just say there probably won't be a One Night Stand III.

The Return of ECW

2006-04-26T23:40:00.000+01:00

The big news in the wrestling world right now is the WWE's intention to relaunch the ECW brand on a full-time basis. And conveniently enough, it's been timed just right for the second One Night Stand pay-per-view coming up in June.

The plan, according to speculation on the dirtsheets, is that the WWE's primary farm territory -- Ohio Valley Wrestling, which is currently booked by Paul Heyman and Tommy Dreamer -- will simply be converted to ECW. Such a plan makes a lot of sense, at least logistically. There's already a proven infrastructure in place in terms of a regular house show network, television tapings, a wrestling school and so on, not to mention a proven track record of OVW graduates being promoted to the main WWE rosters. So on the face of it, all that really needs to be done is to change the name.

But it's not quite as simple as that, is it? I haven't seen any OVW tapings myself, but from what I've read of the promotion over the last few years, and knowing that until a year ago it was under the very capable but traditional hands of Jim Cornette, Ohio Valley Wrestling is a very different promotion to what ECW was. If anything, it's like comparing ECW to Cornette's first attempt to run an independent territory back in the early '90s, Smoky Mountain Wrestling.

In essence, it's a classic promotion very much tied to the Mid-West with an emphasis on bold characters and telling stories in the ring -- a lesson in the basics, really, that the kids today need schoolin' in. ECW, in contrast, is the street-smart big-city cousin with a switchblade in its back pocket. Sure, ECW had some memorable plots and angles too, but by and large its booking was driven by the hardcore element. It wasn't called Extreme Championship Wrestling for nothing. People didn't go to the ECW Arena to see technical classics of ring psychology -- they went to see someone get bludgeoned with the weapons they brought with them. They went for the blood and the barbed wire and the tables and the swearing and the envelope-pushing. They went to see the stuff that no one else in America was doing at the time.

So the promotional infrastructure might be in place, yes, but it's going to take a lot more than a name change to turn OVW into ECW. The farm territory factor is just one considerable obstacle; if this new ECW is to be anything like the old ECW, it's got to be a standalone promotion with a distinct style that will certainly be at odds not only with the current Ohio Valley house style but also with what the WWE's bookers deem acceptable for the Raw and SmackDown! rosters. Presuming that the new Deep South territory takes OVW's place as the farm league, that might resolve the issue, but it's a significant shift in focus for the team behind the scenes at OVW that can't and won't be taken lightly.

In the few days since the ECW rebirth plan was leaked online, talk has already gone from a tentative launch with just house shows with no TV slot, to a regular showcase spot on the WWE's weekly programming, to a full-on dedicated show on national cable and a resumption of the ECW house show network as it was before Heyman closed up shop in January 2001. Sheesh! Let's not get ourselves carried away here. The return of ECW is an exciting prospect, undeniably -- and especially for the likes of me who never had access to the original ECW in its heyday -- but we don't want another 'invasion angle' on our hands now, do we?

Anyway, until a concrete announcement has been made the details are all mere speculation at this point. In the meantime I'm looking forward with optimism to see what happens. If the rumours are true, I'm sure Heyman and Dreamer will do a great job with the brand. But will Vince McMahon let them? That remains to be seen.

Blogging WrestleMania 22

2006-04-03T11:21:00.000+01:00

So here we are, it's WrestleMania XXII, and boy doesn't that arena look small? Chicago might be a big wrestling town, but the Allstate Arena (nee Rosemont Horizon) is a bit of a shoebox compared to other buildings on the annual schedule. WrestleMania needs a bigger space than this to reflect the larger-than-life nature of the show. But anyway, they've made the most of it. The entrance stage isn't as good as WrestleMania XX's, but much nicer than last year's. Although that curtain looks a bit funny. Anyway, on with the show...

0:10 ...which kicks off with Carlito and Chris Masters versus Kane and The Big Show. Now I like Carlito, don't get me wrong, but they're really making me work to stay awake for this one.

I don't know whether it's true or not, but I like to believe that Carlito was the victim of booking issues. I'm sure that he was intended to be in the Money In The Bank match from the start, but Creative changed their minds when they realised that Kane and The Big Show didn't have anyone to defend the titles against, other than the thrown-together tandem of Carlito and the Masterpiece.

Seeing as the eventual match just turned out to be a squash, I don't know why they bothered. The only explanation I can see is that somebody in the office doesn't like Carlito.

0:25 Anyway, next up is the aforementioned Money In The Bank ladder match ... Flair got knocked out early after a suplex from the ladder by Matt Hardy. It looked like a shoot at first, but then Flair toddled back out to the ring five minutes later. Yay.

However I wasn't about to let his presence mar my enjoyment of the match, which was pretty damn excellent, with fine efforts from everyone else involved, though it seemed far too short. Even so, Hardy and especially Rob Van Dam and Shelton Benjamin outdid themselves, and even Bobby Lashley showed his willingness to take some major bumps. In the end, RVD was the deserving winner.

0:45 Taking a break next, to bring out the previous night's inductees from the Hall of Fame. Howard Finkel was roped into making a bit of a show about Bret Hart's non-appearance, but they made up for it with the warm reception for Vicki Guerrero. Hopefully they'll cut it with the exploitative angles from now on; I don't know how she's put up with it till here.

0:50 The ramp lifted up for JBL's limo to drive to the ring for the next contest, which unfortunately was the most exciting thing to happen in this match, despite Chris Benoit's efforts. Hyatte was right about this one: Benoit is better holding a title than chasing one, but JBL was due a favour after being out through the ringer the last few months. So JBL got the nod and cheated to win with the US strap, much to my chagrin...

Hmm, three matches in less than an hour, and still three hours to go? Something tells me Cena vs Triple H has been booked to go on far longer than necessary...

1:05 Hardcore action next, as Edge took on Mick Foley. It started off kind of slow -- 'let's kick Foley's head in' basically -- but then Edge hit him with the spear and took it unusually badly. As he writhed in the corner, Foley took off his shirt to show his Cactus Jack t-shirt, and more importantly the strand of barbed wire wrapped around his torso! The match just got crazier from there on -- Barbed wire baseball bats! Thumb tacks! Lighter fluid!

Edge eventually got the win after spearing Foley from the apron onto a burning table, and he looked utterly traumatised afterwards. That's entertainment!

1:25 After all that bloody excitement, some comedy was in order as Booker T and Sharmell ran a gauntlet of freaks (including the incomperable Goldust) on the way to the ring for their 'match' with the Boogeyman. The joke wore thin pretty quickly, though, as Booker was virtually squashed. Big booking mistake there, methinks.

1:45 Back to the wrestling now, with Women's Champion Trish Stratus against psycho-bitch Mickie James. At least it started out with wrestling -- after a while it slipped into something a lot more risque. I'm sure Hyatte will get the DVD for one moment in particular -- if you saw it, you know what I mean. As for the result? Mickie fucked up the finish but they recovered without missing a beat, with JR's commentary a great help, and Stratus did the job. But she'll be back on top soon -- you know she will.

2:00 It's the half-way mark now, and time for the casket match. Great observation from Tazz: "It's like a shed, not a casket!" Typical Undertaker match really, with a few extreme moves thrown in so Taker could prove to the boys that he's still got it. The bookers kept the whole thing mercifully short, Taker kept his record intact, and everybody left happy.

Well, everyone except for Mark Henry, who got wheeled away inside the casket. Oops.

2:20 Shawn Michaels against Vince McMahon next. The set-up for this has been pretty weird over the last few weeks, with McMahon making Michaels' life a living hell. The only way that could go tonight that would leave anybody happy would be to get Shawn get his revenge -- and he did, in spades.

It started off slow, and then suddenly erupted when HBK threw Vince over the announce table into JR's lap, which the director must have thought was unscriped as he cut away to the crowd for a few seconds. Even if the 'match' was just a bloody brawl of the like we've seen a million times before from these two, it was worth watching just to hear JR's brilliantly spiteful, bile-laden commentary.

2:45 A short respite after that, as it's announced that WrestleMania 23 will be held on April Fool's Day at the spanking-new Ford Field in Detroit. Now that's more like it! Shame I won't be able to go, but I'm aiming for WrestleMania 25. I've been at WrestleMania before, and I'll be there again...

2:55 Next up, the first of the big title matches, as Kurt Angle defended the World Championship against Rey Misterio and Randy Orton. Misterio came out to the ring in a headdress he must have borrowed from Tatanka. Weird. The match itself was pretty unusual, too, as the trio abandoned the plodding style I've been used to from SmackDown! every week and had themselves a bit of a spot-fest.

I was expecting a dud, but these guys really pulled off a stunner. All credit to Angle and Misterio, and even Orton pulled more than his weight. Misterio got the nod and the pin after a too short (only nine minutes!) but fast-paced match, yet I fear it's only because of Eddie, and they'll find some way to take the strap off him quickly. Or maybe Creative will prove me wrong and let him run with the ball a while. We shall see.

3:10 Whatever the case, SmackDown! pulled out all the stops. They may have been relegated to the undercard tonight, but they've done more than enough to outshine anything else that Raw can do in the last two matches on the card, the penultimate one being the Playboy pillow fight. I need not report on the bout itself, but I will quote JR's commentary: "I suggested this match be held in the frozen food aisle of a local supermarket, but nobody went for it."

3:20 And finally, the moment we've all (not) been waiting for -- Triple H versus John Cena for the WWE Championship. Triple H came out dressed as Conan the Barbarian, while Cena was dolled up as a gangster (complete with a blank-firing tommy gun).

After all that pantomime, the snoozefest began. I honestly didn't pay much attention until the end, when Triple H surprisingly did the job. Actually, it's not so surprising -- he's a company boy, and he probably felt it was good for business to put over Cena as a credible champ who's even good enough to defeat The Game. Unfortunately even a casual fan could see through that plot. How much longer can they keep throwing money at this character before they cut their losses? Hell, even the Ultimate Warrior was a better champ!

So that was that. If I can sum it all up in one sentence, WrestleMania this year was a lot like the Oscars: two hours of great entertainment, spread over four hours.

Back on Blogspot, Ready for WrestleMania

2006-04-02T18:03:00.000+01:00

As you've probably guessed by now, The Irish Whip has returned to Blogspot. No big explanation necessary; it's just a personal preference. I've also ended my two-and-a-half-month hiatus, which was brought about by nothing more exciting than general laziness, boredom and lack of enthusiasm.

But I couldn't ignore WrestleMania, could I? It's the biggest event on the wrestling calendar, and I -- along with pretty much every other mat fan in the UK and Ireland -- will be staying up till 4am tonight ~~subjecting myself to~~ enjoying every moment of it.

Good news for you, dear reader: I'll be watching on the big telly downstairs and bringing my laptop with me so I can 'blog' the proceedings from the comfort of my living room. (I say 'blog' like that since I won't have an internet connection, so I'll be posting my observations after the fact. But who's gonna be reading this site in the middle of the night anyway?)

Fingers crossed it'll be a good show and the booking will keep me alert enough so as I don't fall asleep half-way through.

Hall of Fame 2006

2006-04-02T17:59:00.000+01:00

WrestleMania weekend wouldn't be complete these days without the Hall of Fame induction ceremony, which took place last night in Chicago. This year's crop of entrants were obviously outshined by the one-two punch Eddie Guerrero and Bret 'Hitman' Hart, but it's the people you might not have heard of who better deserve the attention, if not the honour -- people, like the AWA's Verne Gagne, who were invaluable to the development of the industry.

So with that in mind, click here to see the first two hours of this year's Hall of Fame ceremony. It's worth it to see the 'priceless' Sensational Sherri's speech alone.

In Praise of the Set Designers

2006-04-02T17:18:00.000+01:00

Time to break the radio silence here, with a pic of the entrance stage at Saturday Night's Main Event from two weeks ago.

I don't know about other wrestling fans, but I'm a big sucker for good set design. There's just something about the lighting and the staging that can create a unique atmosphere, and I'm glad that the WWE started to recognise this after years of austerity. Just compare any major pay-per-view from the early '90s -- with no more than a lit-up WWF logo hanging over a black curtain -- with today's massive ramps and platforms and giant screens and fireworks, and you can see what a difference it makes. It's all about the attention to detail.

Even if there's nothing to appreciate about the booking or the wrestling at any given show (like SNME, which wasn't much to write home about, being mostly an advert aimed at wrestling newbies) you can be sure that the WWE's set designers will do a bang-up job, at least most of the time. As you can see from the above image, Saturday Night's Main Event was one of those times. It elevates this dirty, grimy, sleazy pseudo-sport to the level of proper showbiz, where it should be.

It goes without saying that I'm looking forward to see what they've come up with for WrestleMania tonight.

Pre-Vacation Brain Dump

2006-01-16T22:54:00.000Z

I'm about to head off to South Africa for a month, so what better time than now to cover my last few weeks in grapple-watching?

First off, though I didn't bother writing a preview or post-mortem for New Year's Revolution, I will say that it wasn't the absolutely despicably awful show I was expecting. I'll even go as far as to say that I enjoyed a match with Triple H in it; his battle with The Big Show had some nice elements of old-school psychology that you don't see very often these days, and it kept me at least interested if not fully entertained.

I can say the same for the Elimination Chamber main event. The participants were a mixed bag (veterans who don't need the title again thrown in with mid-card greenhorns who've got a few years yet to prove themselves) but they made the most of it. Getting rid of the bigger stars first was a smart booking move, and again there was some old-school psychology in play with the 'pact' between Carlito and Chris Masters (who's looking decidedly less inflated these days, don't you think?). The ending was cheap, but it helped to get Edge over as a heel and make him look like championship material. Then again, that could have been a face pop, judging by the crowd's hostile reaction to John Cena. It's been building for a while now, but I'd never heard so many obvious boos for the man. It made my heart sing, so it did.

Over on the other side, the biggest news was Batista's torn tricep, which forced him to relinquish the World title. But who did they give it to? No, not to any of SmackDown!'s top guys; they roped in a ringer in Raw's Kurt Angle to carry the belt instead. And it seems he's a face again for some reason. Didn't this guy just leave SmackDown! about six months ago after a disgusting pseudo-rapist angle? Boy, memories really are getting shorter.

And while all that was going on, it appears that the boss of all bosses Vince McMahon isn't very happy with Joey Styles' commentary on Monday Night Raw. Considering, personally, that Joey's work on the show has been a breath of fresh air and is one of the only things that keeps me tuned in every week, I find this difficult to fathom. But McMahon has had a screw loose for quite a while now; he would have replaced JR with a pig in a stetson if he thought it would get good ratings, quality be damned.

But enough about the WWE for now, and onto TNA, for yes, I have seen my first full episode of Impact!, thanks to the wonders of YouTube. (See my previous TNA-related post for more.) And my verdict? It's not bad. The six-sided ring looks a little weird at first, but it works fine. It's very fast-paced, story driven but not at the expense of the in-ring action. But it may be a little too fast, and there seems to be too many guys just there to make up the numbers. Too many run-ins, too, also seemingly to just give their main guys something to do when they're not booked in matches.

As for the much-vaunted X Division? I've mentioned here before that I've enjoyed AJ Styles and Christopher Daniels' work in the live setting, but after seeing them on Impact! I'm not so sure. They're great athletes with a fantastic repertoire, there's no denying that. But they can't sell. WWE workers might be bland by comparison, but at least you can be sure that when they take a dropkick they'll stay down and sell it, and not get up two seconds later as if nothing happened. Maybe I was watching too closely, but this kind of lack of attention to detail really did spoil my enjoyment of the wrestling. I'll be happy to see more, of course, since one show isn't enough to judge a whole company on. But even so, there are weaknesses in their product that need to be addressed, in my opinion.

Anywho, I shall leave you with these thoughts to mull over until I return, after a month likely to be free of wrestling. Somehow I don't think anything drastic will occur in my absense. But then again, I could have said that last November, and look what happened then. Keep an eye on Hyatte for the gossip...

Armageddon: Post-mortem

2005-12-19T12:15:00.000Z

Not really much of a review, this. I didn't pay to watch the show and I didn't even bother doing a preview, which shows just how much I care. And as the results show, missing it wasn't any big loss.

Part of me does wish I'd seen the Crusierweight title match between Kid Kash and Juventud Guerrera, which looks to have been a standout battle (and, at almost 10 minutes, was impressively long for a WWE undercard bout these days). But one match isn't worth 22 quid.

Next up is New Year's Revolution in a couple of weeks. Too many shows spoiling the broth, methinks...

Matt Cappotelli Diagnosed with Brain Tumour

2005-12-18T16:49:00.000Z

It has been reported that Matt Cappotelli, former Tough Enough winner and current rising star of OVW, has been diagnosed with a brain tumour after a routine scan following a stiff shot to the head in a match earlier this week.

Here's hoping he and his family make it through this difficult time. If it's any comfort, it should be said that it's not known whether or not the tumour is malignant. And remember, this has happened before: Jushin Liger was also diagnosed with a similar tumour in the mid-90s. He was successfully operated upon and returned to the ring just a few months later. It slowed him down a little, but he's still around today.

I'l be surprised if Cappotelli isn't back in the ring by this time next year.

TNA: The Renaissance of Wrestling?

2005-12-15T16:52:00.001Z

I'd be having much more fun if I were watching TNA. But since I don't live in the States and I don't get The Wrestling Channel, I do not yet have that privilege. That won't stop me from writing about it, however.

It's good to see that mid-card wrestlers who fall out of favour with the WWE, for whatever reasons, now have a viable alternative without having to leave the country. I'm speaking, of course, about Christian and the Dudleys, who didn't spend much time resting on their laurels before debuting for Jeff Jarrett's promotion (as Christian Cage and Team 3D, respectively).

Since it isn't so long after they last graced WWE television, they can bring a bit of star power to a company that, though full of good-to-great wrestlers, was comprised mostly of cast-offs from the big leagues and up-and-comers from the indies with little to no mainstream reputation. I'm sure the executives at Spike TV (who gave TNA a slot on the network in October after booting off Monday Night Raw) are convinced that the company is going in the right direction, making the most of the potential in their talent that was squandered by WWE Creative.

It should also, hopefully, give some invaluable exposure to the established indie workers who populate the tag team division and bulk out the mid-card, and the junior heavyweights on the roster who make up the infamous X Division. That's the sort of concept that would never take off in the stiflingly conservative atmosphere of the WWE (where anything that might potentially upstage the heavyweights gets quashed immediately) but it's exactly the type of idea that wrestling needs to move forward into the 21st century.

[Now allow me, if you will, a little pretentious self-indulgence.] In the same way that the concept of the circus has been virtually redefined by the likes of Cirque du Soleil, professional wrestling has been reinterpreted in so many ways of which fans in the US and in Europe have been mostly ignorant: from lucha libre in Mexico, to the state-of-the-art junior heavyweights of Japan, to the 'Jap-Lucha' of Toryumon and Osaka Pro, and everything in-between. These styles aren't exactly revolutionary -- they're practically run of the mill in the territories where they originated -- but to a die-hard WWE fan they're fresh and exciting and, most importantly, eye-opening. That's what matters. [It's okay, you can open your own eyes now.]

Sure, TNA is not without its faults -- far too many pay-per-views, a product that can suffer from over-booking, an over-reliance on gimmicks, and overexposure of the undeserving Jeff Jarrett to name a few (that's a lot of 'overs', too) -- but even so it's about time that a major US promotion with national television exposure committed itself to developing talent and broadening the horizons of what's possible in the ring (WCW's many aborted attempts aside). If TNA can draw in the casual fans with familiar faces they know and love from the WWE, and while they're hooked dazzle them with the best talent the indies have produced, it might push wrestling out the doldrums and back into the upswing that's so badly needed.

I concur with Ant Evans' article on the company in the latest issue of Power Slam: as long as TNA does what Paul Heyman did with ECW -- that is, accentuate the positives to hide the weaknesses -- it could soon prove to be a viable player in the mainstream, and deserve a place as the number-two promotion in the States.

But that name, TNA? It's embarrassing. Please change it.

The Month in Angles: December 2005

2005-12-14T23:04:00.001Z

A completely irregular, irreverent and irrelevant gander at the latest rubbish WWE Creative passes for storylines:

Eric Bischoff gets 'fired'. Although it was a good excuse to get both Chris Nowinski and Dusty Rhodes back on TV for a minute or so.

Shelton Benjamin turns heel. Or does he? Yes he does. Or does he? Oh please. I feel so sorry for the guy, especially now that he'll be having an on-screen 'mamma' to 'accentuate' his 'character'. Oy.

The completely moronic SmackDown!/Raw heel-face switcharoo with The Big Show and Kane. It doesn't work on any conceivable level.

Chris Benoit gets punked out by Booker T. I don't see where they're going with this yet, but wherever it is it doesn't look good.

The Mexicools are faces now? When did that happen? I really have been sleeping.

The Boogeyman finally debuts. Ha! Papa Shango was much scarier, I don't care what anyone says. What has the Boogeyman done? Oh he eats worms, how charming. Let's see, what did Papa Shango do? He set people on fire and made black stuff ooze from the Ultimate Warrior's forehead. I rest my case.

Bad Taste and Road Rage. Is That It?

2005-12-14T23:02:00.001Z

Well the post Survivor Series drought lulled me to sleep, so I've been neglecting my baby for the last couple of weeks. What have I missed?

Um, well, not much.

Unless you count the bad-taste angle, a mere fortnight after Eddie was laid to rest, with Rey Misterio and The Big Show and the lowrider and Randy Orton and The Undertaker and... yeah, that doesn't make a lot of sense, does it? And everyone seems to have forgotten about it now, so, like, whatever.

I suppose Ric Flair's arrest for road rage was a notable item worth mentioning here. But I didn't bother. (It only strikes me now what a coincidence it is that both of these stories concerned a controversy involving an automobile. Funny, that.)

You can blame my severe lack of enthusiasm for the WWE product as of late, not just regarding the previous two incidents, but for my lack of updates in general. A change in my diet is what's in order. The WWE is kind of like fast food; It looks really good and tastes okay at first, but it leaves you feeling sluggish with an emptiness in your stomach. I think I need some proper nutrients.

Survivior Series: Post-mortem

2005-11-29T17:17:00.000Z

The show, as expected, was a let-down, so there's not much to note here -- other than that the three least-ambiguous of my predictions all proved untrue to varying degrees.

I did say that both Flair and Triple H would bleed, didn't I? Well only Flair bled this time. But to be fair, he bled enough for both of them.

I also said that Melina would win the title from Trish, but I guess the bookers prefer Stratus to hold the title rather than chase it.

And that Bischoff/Long nonsense I promised to fast-forward through? I must confess I would have stopped to watch the end, when the Boogeyman did his bit, just for the sheer inanity of it all.

Anyway, it's over now, and it's onward to... well, nothing particularly interesting just yet. There's little about the current angles and booking to captivate me at the moment. And even the prospect of an Elimination Chamber match at New Year's Revolution doesn't fill me with any sense of expectation.

I can understand that lack of morale following Eddie's death, coupled with the long-term booking plans going awry for the same reason, could allow things to stagnate to an extent. But it's winter and I'm cold and I need something to entertain me, not encourage hibernation.

Attention Readers

2005-11-28T10:27:00.000Z

(If I have any readers, that is...)

I have moved this blog to a sparkly new location: http://theirishwhip.wordpress.com/

You may change your bookmarks and feed subscriptions accordingly. I'll see you there.

Survivor Series: Preview

2005-11-27T15:48:00.000Z

So much to post about, so little time. But I've got a few minutes right now so here's a filler post about tonight's Survivor Series -- which I won't be watching. I mean, there's only six matches on the card (plus the return of the Undertaker -- ooh I'm wetting myself with excitement) which is a bit light for what is supposed to be one of the bigger PPVs. Anyway, here's my rundown of the matches:

Chris Benoit v Booker T (Best of Seven Series: Match 1) This would be far more interesting if it were the final match of the series, rather than the first. I seem to recall they made the same mistake with the Booker T/John Cena series from last year. I'm sure it'll be good, but they'll be saving themselves for the end, not this one. Prediction: It's best of seven, so it doesn't matter who wins this one. That's why it's such a bad booking mistake for a major PPV.

WWE Women's Champion Trish Stratus vs Melina Melina can't wrestle, and Trish can't carry her, so even though Fit Finlay will try his best, I'm sure this'll be full of stalling and/or botched spots, and will be over fairly quickly. Prediction: Melina wins the title due to some convenient outside interference.

Eric Bischoff vs Theodore Long On a card that's thin enough as it is, they ignore half the roster to give this piece of crap some air time? Ridiculous. It's a side-show attraction at best. Prediction: I don't have one. If I was watching this on tape I'd fast-forward through it.

Last Man Standing Match: Ric Flair vs Triple H Everyone knows that Triple H is the world's biggest Flair fan, and he'll do his damnednest to make sure this is a five-star battle. But this ain't Starrcade '83. Prediction: Both of them will bleed. A lot. In fact, I think they should have a competition, for a fan to win the opportunity for his blood to be used in the inevitable post-match transfusions (blood type permitting, of course).

WWE Champion John Cena vs Kurt Angle Seriously, how many times have we seen this before? It's getting obvious that Angle is the only man the WWE has enough confidence in to bring out the best in Cena, who will only be champion as long as he can sell t-shirts. But really, the repetition grew old months ago. Prediction: Unless the ring explodes or the roof caves in, there's nothing here to interest me, so I'd be fast-forwarding through this one too.

Survivor Series Elimination Match: Team Raw vs Team SmackDown! Ah, how I long for the glory days, when the Survivor Series was something special. This match, of course, won't be. Prediction: Raw has been so uppidy lately, Creative might give SmackDown! the nod. On the other hand, Raw is clearly the favoured brand, so they might get the win just to put SmackDown! in its place. It could go either way.

So there you have it; a sub-par pay-per-view with nothing we don't get for free on TV every week. The Survivor Series should present a great opportunity for some fun, exciting matches, but instead it's completely lacking in ideas.

The Eddie Guerrero tributes last week showed how exciting and refreshing inter-brand matches can be, so why not make that the basis of the Survivor Series? An annual end-of-year showdown between the brands would be infinitely more exciting than the dross they'll be serving up tonight.

Oh well. Maybe next year. It will be the 20th one, after all...

More on Eddie Guerrero

2005-11-15T17:27:00.000Z

WWE.com has details of the initial autopsy report, confirming that Eddie Guerrero died from heart failure. His wife Vickie gave her response to the news:

It was heart failure. It was from his past – the drinking and the drug abuse. They found signs of heart disease. She (the examiner) said that the blood vessels were very worn and narrow, and that just showed all the abuse from the scheduling of work and his past. And Eddie just worked out like crazy all the time. It made his heart grow bigger and work harder and the vessels were getting smaller, and that’s what caused the heart failure. He went into a deep sleep.

As soon as they saw his heart, they saw the lining of his heart already had the heart disease. There was no trauma, and Eddie hadn’t hurt himself in any way. It answered a lot of questions. I knew Eddie wasn’t feeling very good for the last week. He was home and kept saying he wasn’t feeling good and we thought it was just “road tired.” So we thought he just had to rest. It answered a lot of my questions, too, because he was just so exhausted. She said it was normal because the heart was working so hard.

Sounds like a case of Sudden Adult Death Syndrome, brought on by his past indiscretions. It could have happened any time.

The big wrestling sites are the best places to go for all the specifics, but I've collected here some links to the reaction from more mainstream sources online regarding the untimely death of Eddie Guerrero.

Yahoo!'s Buzz Index notes cyberspace's reaction to the news of Eddie's passing, with the surprising statistic that searches for Eddie shot up over 16,000 percent since the news came out.

Elsewhere, MetaFilter pays tribute to Eddie in its own way, while Plastic has a good story (and some not-so-good commentary) on the inevitable controversy that surrounds the death of a pro wrestler in this modern age, when taking the time to heal an injury can cost a superstar his livelihood.

I'll add more links here as I find them.

Thanks a lot, NTL

2005-11-15T09:46:00.000Z

I set my VCR to tape the RAW tribute to Eddie last night. But what did I find when I checked it this morning? Two hours of Kane setting up a neckbreaker in mid-air.

That's right, the channel froze. And of course none of the fucking morons at NTL were paying any attention, so I missed all but the first five minutes of the show.

Fucking assholes.

Eddie Guerrero, 1967-2005

2005-11-14T00:00:00.000Z

Eddie Guerrero was found dead in his hotel room this morning.

I don't know what to say. I feel just like I did when I heard Brian Pillman died. Stunned and numb at the same time.

(And yes, I have noticed the unfortunate coincidence of this post and the title of the previous entry.)

Not Dead Yet

2005-11-05T22:18:00.000Z

Yes, I know I haven't posted here in weeks. No, the site isn't dead yet. You see what happened was, I got pissed off.

I had a notebook full of witty comments on Raw and SmackDown! shows, all ready to be typed up. I even went to the trouble of writing up that Unforgiven preview. And then? I realised how utterly useless it all was.

Let's face it, the current WWE product is crap. Sure there's a good moment here or there but, really, they occur more by accident than intention. By and large, it's shite beyond description.

I had a moment watching Raw last week, when they dug up Goldust and Vader for the Coach's aborted (and abortion of an) angle with Steve Austin. Goldust I don't mind so much, even though he was only there because his daddy's a booker again. But Vader? The man has put on so much weight he can barely balance when he stands up. Which was painfully obvious when he fell on his arse not once, but twice. It was just sad, because I remember him in his prime, when he was an agile monster. Kinda sums up the whole WWE for me right there.

So fuck it, I'm not going to waste my time making notes on shows that I'm barely enjoying. I'm not doing an Unforgiven review (other than this: it was shit). I won't comment, beyond right now of course, on my disgust at the treatment of Jim Ross over the last few weeks. I didn't even give a crap about Taboo Tuesday this year considering the options were so obviously stacked (at least last year gave you the illusion that your choices mattered).

What I will do, however, is continue to post about things I do like. And there are a few; they've been queued here while my anger and boredom subsided.

I've mentioned on my main weblog about blogging as a chore, which is what watching wrestling (and by extention, blogging about it) had become. I might still watch (or rather, fast-forward through) the WWE out of obligation, but I won't write about it unless it really grabs me. Besides, there's a whole world of wrestling out there beyond Titan Towers, just waiting to be discovered by yours truly. Might make this place an interesting read again, like it was to me for the first couple of weeks.

Who knows? I might even make a column out of it...

...nah. That's dangerous thinking.

Unforgiven: Preview

2005-09-18T22:00:00.000+01:00

So yeah, I've been away from this place for a while. Been busy finishing my thesis, so barely enough time to watch wrestling lately, let alone write about it. But I will be posting back-dated reports for the last few Raws and SmackDown!s during the week, and as luck would have it, I'm back here in time for tonight's pay-per-view extravaganza, Unforgiven.

Now, when I say 'extravaganza', I really mean it'll be shit. Even at first glance, tonight's card looks fucking woeful; I have a feeling the end results will be much the same, if not far worse. Let's have a look at the, ugh, rundown:

Shelton Benjamin vs Kerwin White Oh. My. God. It's not just George Bush who hates black people - it seems like Stephanie McMahon does too. Prediction: Even if Benjamin does win, it'll take more than a shower to wash away the stench of racism that pervades this whole angle.

Trish and Ashley vs Victoria and Torrie At least Trish Stratus is back. Prediction: Sorry, you were saying something? I was thinking about Trish Stratus.

WWE Tag Team Champions The Hurricane and Rosey vs Lance Cade and Trevor Murdoch This will be an awful, awful match. There's absolutely nothing going for it. Prediction: Cade and Murdoch will win the titles, not that it matters.

The Big Show vs Snitsky This match would only be interesting if it had some crazy stipulation, like an exploding barbed wire cage match or something. But alas... Prediction: If I haven't fallen asleep by this point, this'll do it.

Edge vs Matt Hardy This is the only potentially good match on the card. Which means it'll likely be a letdown. Prediction: anything could happen, but it's safe to assume that the feud will continute whatever does.

Shawn Michaels vs Chris Masters Is this Michaels' punishment for slagging off Hulk Hogan? Surely he has enough stroke to get himself out of this mess. I don't get it. Prrediction: Oh it'll be rotten. But the end of it will be interesting, if only to see how they manage to preserve both men's reputations.

IC Champion Carlito vs Ric Flair I don't like Ric Flair. He's just too old and looks silly. Carlito I normally like, but he'll look just as bad as Flair. This match hasn't got much to recommend it, then. Prediction: whoever wins, it will be definitely not cool.

WWE Champion John Cena vs Kurt Angle Um, haven't these two faced each other a gazillion times already on SmackDown!? What makes this one any different? Prediction: I don't give a fuck, really.

Boy, you can tell how much I'm looking forward to tonight's show, can't you?

Raw Notes 23.08.05

2005-08-24T19:34:00.000+01:00

- What the hell going on with Shawn Michaels? Is he a face? Is he a heel? What's with the ultra-hammy acting all of a sudden? And how the hell did Chris Masters get involved in all this? The writers must be on crack or something.

- Has Shelton Benjamin's punishment finally ended? It sure seems like it. Sure, it wasn't a patch on his classic with Michaels earlier in the year, but that was a brilliant match he had with Kurt Angle, a 3-star bout at least. Now if they could build up this into a feud and give them a match on pay-per-view, that would be something worth shelling out for.

- Matt Hardy is really selling that beating he got at SummerSlam - so much so that he jobbed out to the 'Conman'. And then Edge ran down and gave him another kicking. I don't know where they're going with this, but it better be somewhere good.

- Ric Flair returned, and gave Carlito a hiding. Well they were in Flair Country, after all.

- The Big Show took on Snitsky in a snorefest that ended with a countout. A countout! That's only a few steps away from a Dusty finish!

- I noticed the Big Show shaved a bit so he looks a lot less like me now. Thankfully.

- They showed a promo for a new tag team, Lance Cade and Trevor Murdoch. Lance Cade used to be known as Garrison Cade, before they sent him down to the minor leagues and repackaged him as a redneck cowboy, while Murdoch, of course, is a 'homage' to Dick Murdoch, with a shade or two of Dusty Rhodes about him, too.

- What is it with this Divas jealous-women angle, eh? This is the 21st century, isn't it? Oy vey.

- Shawn Michaels has apparently accepted the Master Lock Challenge for next week's show. I wonder how they'll work out that one...

- And here's tonight's main event: John Cena against Chris Jericho in a 'You're Fired!' match. Since we all knew that Jericho is leaving for a while to work on his music and spend time with his family, the result wasn't exactly a surprise. But really, did they have to make Jericho beg and plead for his spot at the end? That just totally cheapens his character. Hopefully when he comes back next year he won't be treated like such a chump.

SummerSlam '05: Results

2005-08-22T10:16:00.000+01:00

As I said, I wasn't going to watch it. And I'm glad I didn't. Here's a quick run-down of the results:

Chris Benoit def. United States Champion Orlando Jordan Jordan was jobbed out in 30 seconds. I don't know whether that's a good thing or a bad thing. In any case, Benoit is our new US Champ!

Edge def. Matt Hardy It was on a technicality, apparently; the referee stopped it due to blood loss or whatever. The IWC is debating whether it was worked or whether the turnbuckle spot was blown. You know, the more I think about it, the more I'm sure this whole thing has been a work if not from the beginning, then at least since Hardy's music was played on Raw the week before he returned. I assume that the intention of this match - if it wasn't a giant fuck-up like some are speculating - was to arouse more sympathy for Hardy, so he can get his revenge with all the fans behind him at the next pay-per-view. Seems like a wasted opportunity to me, though.

Ladder Match: Rey Misterio def. Eddie Guerrero I'm sure this would have been a great match if it weren't for the lame angle. I think most would concur that the storyline ruined their enjoyment. At least it's over now. I hope it is.

Kurt Angle def. Eugene Well Angle got his precious medals back, and it definitely wasn't a technical wrestling classic by any account. This is the worst kind of filler. I'd rather watch Animal and Heidenreich beat up on a couple of jobbers.

Randy Orton def. The Undertaker Um, they pretty much retreaded their WrestleMania match. Even down to the interference by Cowboy Bob Orton. The only part they changed was the ending. Can't these writers come up with anything fresh? Jeez.

WWE Champion John Cena def. Chris Jericho From the looks of it, it doesn't seem miles beyond an average Monday night match. Not that I was expecting much anyway, but still...

World Champion Batista def. JBL If I had payed for the show and stayed up to watch it, this is the match I would have fallen asleep to. Now if Brock Lesnar had run out at the end and given Batista an F5 right on the steel steps, that would've been something.

Hulk Hogan def. Shawn Michaels It was just a nostalgia fest, really. I'm sure it's worth something for the purposes of curiosity. But I never liked Hunk Hogan anyway. And why did Michaels turn face again at the end all of a sudden?

Considering seven out of my eight predictions proved true, and considering the lack of genuine surprised and excitement, I'm glad I saved my money.

SummerSlam '05: Preview

2005-08-21T15:45:00.000+01:00

I won't be watching SummerSlam tonight, because I'm not about to shell out 22 euros for inevitable disappointment. But I will preview the card, because it is SummerSlam:

United States Champion Orlando Jordan vs Chris Benoit For some reason I became convinced yesterday that this match had been turned into a four-way with Christian and Booker T, but I can't seem to find anything confirming that, so it must have been a dream. Anyway, as I said before, if Chris Benoit does not leave this match as the new US Champion, I will give up on SmackDown! forever. Prediction: Benoit wins the gold - he better do.

Ladder Match: Rey Misterio vs Eddie Guerrero The bookers know they've fucked up big time with this angle, so the writers have seen fit to force it down our throats for the last month. Spicing things up with the ladder match stipulation isn't going to make it any more interesting, or take away the bad taste in everyone's mouths. Prediction: Depends on what the plans are. Reports indicate that Eddie will get a title programme with Batista after this, so that leans towards a Rey victory. But if they're determined to drag this rotting carass of an angle until it decomposes completely, Eddie will grab the custody papers.

Eugene vs Kurt Angle This one will either be a technical wrestling classic, or a horrendous dud of epic proprotions. Prediction: whoever wins, Angle will get his medals back.

The Undertaker vs Randy Orton Taker had his victory already, and Orton is in the middle of a massive push on the way back to the title picture. But Taker isn't about to let the young upstart get a clean victory over him. Prediction: Orton will cheat to win.

Matt Hardy vs Edge I'm sure the WWE sees the money in this feud, so this match will only be the first of many. Unless it really is a shoot, in which case it won't be a match at all. Prediction: Watching this will be like watching a train wreck. But we all want Hardy to win, don't we?

World Champion Batista vs JBL We all know what's gonna happen with this one: they'll both phone it in, JBL will blade himself and need a trip to the emergency room after, and the gold stays where it is. Prediction: Batista retains.

WWE Champion John Cena vs Chris Jericho Jericho will wrestle rings around the rapping fool, but there's only ever been one outcome for this one. Prediction: Cena keeps the title.

Hulk Hogan vs Shawn Michaels Ah, the Legend versus the Icon. It's the only match on the show that really matters - and let's face it, it doesn't matter that much. The whole thing only reminds me of those 'Huckster' vignettes the WWE played incessantly in the mid-90s when Hogan, Savage, et al. jumped ship to Turner-town. Who says irony's dead? Prediction: Hogan wins. Of course.

Only eight matches? And no tag team bouts? Sure, it's a one-match show (two matches if you count the smart marks) but there's no reason for the undercard to be this bland and samey. It's supposed to be SummerSlam, for fuck's sake!

Think about it: eight matches in three hours means at least 20 minutes per match. Do we really need to see 20 minutes of JBL and Batista? Do we really think Edge and Matt Hardy will last more than 3 minutes? The card could easily have been filled out with a couple of quick tag matches to break up the monontony.

SummerSlam is supposed to be the third most important show on the calendar (behind WrestleMania and the Royal Rumble) but they've shot themselves in the foot with this one.

SmackDown! Notes 19.08.05

2005-08-21T14:48:00.000+01:00

- There's nothing like a ten-minute Eddie Guerrero promo dragging out the wretchd custody angle even further to lick off a show, is there?

- SmackDown! was in Toronto, Canada (aka Bizarro-world) this week, at the Air Canada Centre. I was there - well, I saw the building from the outside, about 100 yards away across some grassy knolls from the CN Tower. It doesn't look so big from the outside, even though it seats about 20,000. But then again, the fucking-massive SkyDome (excuse me, I should say Rogers Centre, shouldn't I?) is right next door, so it's a matter of perspective.

- Oh joy. Sharmell taking on Melina in a mixed tag match? They're really working to keep me tuned in this week. At least Booker T looks like he's having fun, getting to work with his wife in a job that he loves...

- Maybe I spoke too soon: setting up a dissention in the ranks angle, are they?

- Seriously, if Chris Benoit doesn't win the US title at SummerSlam, I will give up on SmackDown! forever.

- Heidenreich finally got his spikes!

- According to Animal, Heidenreich has heart like Hawk had heart. Oh, Hawk had heart all right - he died of an enlarged one! ZING! Thank you, thank you, I'm here all week.

- Funaki really is the Number One Announcer. But I hope he's making a ton of money, 'cause otherwise there's no excuse for him not to be wrestling for a much higher-quality Japanese league.

- Can the money be worth it, though, considering he's getting stuck in squash matches with the despicably racist JBL? Maybe he's a masochist...

- Did you notice Batista whacked JBL with the metal frame when he gave him that chair shot? That had to hurt! Serves the redneck prick right.

- Hold the phone! SmackDown! in good match shocker! It was a short one, sure, but Rey Misterio v Simon Dean was actually worth watching for a match with nothing to it angle-wise. (They are ECW alumni, which probably explains it.)

- Christian filled the house with his peeps - we are in Bizarro-world, after all. But did they have to punk him out on his own show?

- I fast-forwarded right through the Benoit/Orton match without even noticing, so I rewound the tape and played it through again, and I saw why - resthold after resthold after resthold. Sure, the crowd might have been into it, but only because Benoit was there. Even on fast-forward it bored me senseless.

- Of course Orton had to go over, because his SummerSlam match with The Undertaker has much higher profile than Benoit's title shot. And at least they tried to build some heat for the latter by having Orlando Jordon interfere. Seems more like a booker's idea than a writers...

Overall, a real let down of a show that did fuck-all to build up for SummerSlam with any real conviction. It's clear that Raw has all the big matches for tonight's event. SmackDown! is just an afterthought.

Hardy v Edge - Round One: The Verbal Fistfight

2005-08-20T20:16:00.000+01:00

So the big buzz on the interweb this week is the Byte This! special that pitted Matt Hardy against Edge and Lita in a fifteen-minute insult-fest. This whole thing started on the net, so I guess the WWE is just giving the IWC what they want and keeping the feud mostly net-based. (Even though it'll make their match at SummerSlam tomorrow a bit of a puzzle for those who only learned of the whole situation through Hardy's speech on Raw a couple of weeks ago, but how and ever.)

I think I agree with the general concensus that Matt Hardy didn't come off too well, but that's because he wasn't really cutting a promo. He sounded like an average guy who's been turned on by a former friend. Now that I think about it, maybe that is his promo...

What everyone else seems to be saying, though, is that Adam 'Edge' Copeland came out of this as the winner. But really, if anything this display just confirmed for me his status as the Biggest Douchebag in the Universe. He's such a smarmy git, he probably never ever has to cut a promo, because that's the guy he really is. Ugh.

The only person who came out of this at all well was Lita - or Amy, since this is 'real life' and all - because she actually admitted her guilt in going behind Hardy's back (the first time that's ever been acknowledged, to my knowledge). But she seemed perfectly happy to sit there and let her new beau Edge trash-talk him over and over, so she's not in my good books just yet. I have to say, I don't see her relationship with Edge lasting very long, considering his reputation - and especially since he seems perfectly content to drag her into his ego war with Hardy - so if anyone is going to be the biggest loser out of this mess when it's all said and done, I think it'll be her.

All in all, I can understand his frustration but if Matt Hardy is exploiting this situation beyond his real feelings for professional gain, then he doesn't deserve any more of our sympathy. And he doesn't need to involve Amy in this anymore, since she's admitted her wrongdoing (though it did take her a while). His spat with her is water under the bridge by now, so he really doesn't have to whine any longer: Matt, we get it. You can shut up now and concentrate on the match.

On the other hand, Adam Copeland deserves nothing but contempt - he's the kind of guy who says "everyone makes mistakes" but then uses it as an excuse to be an asshole and get away with it. Sadly, it's that attitude that'll probably guarantee his place in the wrestling business for at least the next decade (until he crosses the wrong person, that is).

I hope Hardy surprises everyone tomorrow night and shoots on him big time. That'll teach the lanky goof.

Raw Notes 16.08.05

2005-08-17T21:49:00.000+01:00

- "Who's your daddy, Montreal?!" Priceless! I haven't heard a crowd so hostile in years. And you can tell Shawn Michaels was loving every minute of it.

- But pulling that prank with Bret's entrance theme was a bit too cheap for my tastes, especially since they did exactly the same thing with Matt Hardy about a month ago. Short memories, eh?

- I've decided that The Heart Throbs are the 21st century Bushwackers. I defy you to disagree.

- With that new beard of his, the Big Show looks a lot like me. Oh dear god NO!!

- Presumably, Kurt Angle is feuding with Eugene because he wants to take it easy on that neck of his. But come on, Eugene? At SummerSlam? My, how the mighty have fallen...

- Oh I'm so happy the Diva Search is finally over. I see why Ashley won - she's a 'rock chick' type, allegedly, even though she's no great looker and hopeless on the mic - but Elizabeth was the prettiest out of the last three, not to mention the most telegenic, and the most natural at cutting promos. But I guess that's what happens when you let the public vote.

- Oh yay, another recap of the Hardy/Lita/Edge saga - "Edge, you destroyed my dream of one day having children." Er, Matt? He didn't cut your balls off, did he?

- Carlito Canadian Cool! "That's cool, eh?" Ha!

- Jericho and Cena have fought each other so often that, frankly, their match at SummerSlam won't be anything special to me. I know it's the way they do things in these times - but I remember the good ol' days, when matches would be built up for weeks or months, and the two adversaries would barely meet face to face until the day of their match. There's be a tease now and then, maybe a sudden confrontation or a stand-off just before the big event - but they'd save the big match for that one special night, and make the whole show worth watching even if the rest of the card was a dud. Not so anymore...

- Val Venis has been on TV a lot lately, on a losing streak. Remember when he wasn't a Jobber to the Stars? Those were the days...

- Rob Conway's push continues, but the booking made no sense. I mean, why job out one half of the tag team champions? Sloppy sloppy sloppy!

- And for the main event: bad neck guy versus bad hip guy. Oh yeah, this is what wrestling's all about! And again, they gave us way too much with Shawn Michaels coming out at the end to have a mini-match with Hogan. Though I must confess to cackling with evil glee when Michaels used the Sharpshooter. I hope he had an armed escort to the hotel afterwards!

In Other News, Hell Has Frozen Over

2005-08-15T20:12:00.000+01:00

Bet you never thought you'd see the day that Bret Hart would shake hands with Vince McMahon, let alone let a picture be taken of him doing so, did you? Next thing we know he'll be inviting Shawn Michaels and Earl Hebner around to his place for tea and biscuits.

Kazarian Gone?

2005-08-15T20:08:00.000+01:00

Reports indicate that Frankie Kazarian is already gone from the WWE, barely a month after he made his TV debut.

Rumour has it that he wasn't happy with how we was being used. He's been a regular on Velocity the last few weeks, and had yet to compete on SmackDown! to my knowledge. Maybe he felt insulted by being relegated to the lesser show - but my understanding of Velocity's current direction was that it's a place for talent that the WWE wants to bring up from the developmental territories to prove themselves in the big league, a place for the kind of matches and the kind of wrestling that's frowned upon in prime time these days. Maybe Kazarian felt he was beyond that.

Or maybe, like a growing number of former WWE grapplers of the cruiserweight persuasion, he realised that a contract with Vince isn't the pinnacle that it used to be. After all, he's not the first to opt out of a run with the federation. Spanky did it, and went on to plenty of success in Japan and with fresh new promotions like Pro Wrestling Guerrilla. James 'Jamie Knoble' Gibson bounced right back after his firing from the company and lent Ring of Honor some much-needed mainstream credibility. And didn't AJ Styles turn down a developmental contract a couple of years ago? Maybe Kazarian is merely following their lead, and just going with the trend of the young guns forging out on their own.

Creative Review

2005-08-15T20:07:00.000+01:00

Lots of news about the WWE's writers and creative direction on Inside Pulse last week. Not sure if I believe it all, but even so:

- It's nice to see that Heyman has booking reins again. With him and Tommy Dreamer in control, they've got a real opportunity to produce some great stuff in OVW and try things they couldn't do with ECW. Might be worth getting some of their TV shows in future (if I do, I'll let you know).

- I'm convinced that Vince McMahon can only come up with the goods when he's threatened by real competition. Back in the 80s he had a nation to conquer and the NWA to crush. In the early-to-mid 90s? Nothing - and the product went to pot as a result. Then in the late 90s WCW surged forward and stole their crown, so Vince kicked into gear, yanked it right back, and then bought them for good measure. And now, in 2005, with no competition in sight, Vince's 'great creative mind' seems to have abandoned him. It's his own fault, but his ego is so massive that he can't see it.

- Isn't it funny how one of the new Raw writers doesn't know a basic term like 'getting heat'? Isn't it a gas that one of the others was convinced that all the blood is fake? ('Cause who would be crazy enough to cut themselves open with a sliver of razor blade for a 'fake' sport?) Isn't it just laughable that someone would take a job with a company without even attempting to do a little research about the industry beforehand?

- At least Court Bauer has some experience in the business, even though he's a comparative blow-in. Despite what others are saying, it was a smart move to give him the book for Velocity; I bet the other writers are just sick about it, and that makes me very happy.

SmackDown! Notes 12.08.05

2005-08-15T16:21:00.000+01:00

- Booker T opened the show with a match so unmemorable that I had to rewind the tape to the beginning to check if he was on it.

- Christian's guest on the Peep Show was Batista, who exemplifies my rule that no WWE wrestler shoud be seen wearing anything other than their wrestling gear.

- Heidenreich's got the face paint; all he needs now is a set of shoulder pads with spikes on them. And a cool animal name. Like 'Giraffe'. Or 'Startled Deer'. Okay, maybe he can skip the name part.

- Teddy Long put the returning Randy Orton in a match against someone from the Undertaker's past. Who could it be? I ran though a list in my head... Superfly... The Berserker... Giant Gonzales... Dusty Rhodes... the fake Undertaker... the spirits of Terry Gordy and Yokozuna... but no, it turned out to be Kamala. Who now seems like a parody of himself, if that makes any sense. Lots of belly-slapping ensued, as you can imagine. The only exciting moment was when Kim Chee lost his hat. Some kid in the crowd got real lucky with that one.

- The Rey Rey/Guerrero saga drags on. Now Rey has challenged Eddie to a match at SummerSlam where the winner gets sole custody of Dominik. Oh that's really gonna make your son happy, Rey, really. Excuse me while I wash the bad taste from my mouth.

- William Regal wants so little to do with the Mexicools that he'll even turn heel on Scotty 2 Hotty just to get away from them!

- It's more and more obvious that the writers and bookers are clueless when it comes to Chris Benoit. They don't have the skill or the wherewithall to play up his strengths to hide his weaknesses. The solution is pretty simple, and I'm sure Paul Heyman would agree: give him the US title, put some lustre back on the belt, and make his matches (against pretty much anyone) worth watching. But alas, it seems the WWE is no place for wrestlers anymore...

- Christian got his thanks-for-not-causing-a-stink match with Batista at the end of the show. Pity, though, that it was just a set-up for Batista's feud with JBL. Poor Christian. He could have a great feud with Benoit, but he's stuck taking backdrop after backdrop from the 'Animal'. Alas...

Wrestlers Swearing? Never!

2005-08-15T14:34:00.000+01:00

Care of A Whole Lotta Nothing, here's a 'screentest' (NSFW) for the HBO series Entourage, featuring some old WWF favorites swearing like troopers (oh, and Diamond Dallas Page, who looks about my age compared to the others).

What the Brock is Going On?

2005-08-15T14:32:00.000+01:00

So it was reported last week on the WWE website that Brock Lesnar "has decided to withdraw from any involvement with the company". That prompted much discussion among the IWC, with pretty much unanimous agreement that the whole thing is a work.

I tend to agree. If you visit the WWE's news page on the story today, you'll see there's no mention any more of Lesnar turning down their contract offer, and no mention of Brock at all on the main news page.

What that says to me is that he's already put ink to paper, and he'll make a 'surprise' return sometime soon. The fan boy in me would like it to be at SummerSlam, but I don't credit WWE Creative with that much imagination.

Raw Notes 09.08.05

2005-08-15T11:20:00.000+01:00

- Okay, so first Pittsburgh turned into Bizarro-world, with Eugene getting booed out of the building while the dastardly heel Kurt Angle (who, lets not forget, was a rapist in his most recent storyline) got the loudest ovation he's had in years. Then Angle tried to piss it all away by insulting the crowd - but strangely still gets cheers and chants in his favour. To top all that off, Hulk Hogan comes out for the cheapest heat ever, and now suddenly everyone's cheering for Eugene again. I don't know anything anymore.

- Shelton Benjamin got fed to the lions again. I can just imagine the bookers' meeting now: "So, this Masters guy is more reckless than Hardcore Holly, but dammit, Vince has spent so much money on him, he has to wrestle someone!" "Who have we got heat with this month?" "Benjamin?" "Hell, let's teach that young punk a lesson!"

- You can tell how sorry JR feels for the guy as he calls the match. It's like a punishment for him too, having to put up with the King and the Coach pushing Masters to the rafters (the King sure changed his tune quickly, didn't he?).

- Did Big Vis say 'Mu Fanchu'?

- Why is Vis getting a push, anyway? At least the Conman went over; I'm starting to like this new direction for Rob Conway. But he's missing something... like a manager, maybe, or a valet. If you're gonna go old school, you might as well go all the way.

- Poor Chad Patton. I call for another referees' strike!

- You know, I don't know whether JR really hates the Coach, or if it's all just a work to keep the smart marks guessing.

- Matt Hardy returned, officially, and really took it to the 'roid freak Snitsky. He's put on a lot of muscle in the year since his last match, so he doesn't look like such an underdog. Still no shooting on Johnny Ace, though.

Hmm, was that it? I guess the rest of the show wasn't worth commenting on.

Juvi in the Good Books (and Some Fantasy Booking)

2005-08-14T13:55:00.000+01:00

The WWE higher-ups, according to the Pro Wrestling Torch, are very high on Juventud Guerrera at the moment, "despite his reputation for being a troublemaker" (which so far in his tenure with the E has included stealing other wrestlers' moves; and oiling up his torso so he looks better on camera, for the ladies). One wonders, though, why they would saddle him with such a blatantly racist gimmick if they think so highly of him?

While we're on the subject, here's what I'd do with the Mexicools. First, I'd scrap that whole gimmick. I'd rename the trio 'Latino Heat', and set them up as henchmen for Eddie Guerrero. Their presence could make the whole Rey Rey/Guerrero angle slightly bearable; Eddie could call them 'mi familia' or whatnot, they could interfere in his matches and treat him like a hero.

Not only that, but they could provide Eddie with a guarantee in his match against Rey at SummerSlam, turning the feud on its head and making Misterio the real underdog. With everything to lose, and a gauntlet of three goons at ringside to run, Rey Misterio might actually face a challenge that people could get behind.

But, unfortunately, I'm not a writer for the WWE. And even if I was, something tells me Stephanie McMahon would shoot down my ideas.

Spanky's Back!

2005-08-14T13:37:00.000+01:00

It looks like Spanky and Jamie Knoble are heading back to the WWE within the next couple of months, to beef up the cruiserweight division. One wonders why the WWE are taking these two back but saw fit to fire Billy Kidman and Akio last month.

They'd better be doing it for the money, because I know Spanky wasn't happy there the last time (I mean, even Hustle didn't treat him that badly!).

Cruisers Grounded?

2005-08-14T13:26:00.000+01:00

According to 'inside sources', it seems that the WWE has banned its cruiserweights from performing high-risk aerial moves during their matches. Paul London is apparently upset about it, and so he should be (maybe that's why his promo on Velocity last week was so cringingly bad - he was getting back at his bosses! Yeah, that's right!).

Um, forgive me for pointing out the obvious, but isn't the whole point of having cruiserweights being that they fly around a lot and use the top rope? If they can't even do that, then why bother?

What is the WWE playing at? This makes no sense at all. It's like when Bill Watts banned top rope moves in WCW back in 1992, and pretty much killed off their light heavyweight division. Hell, it's like banning the Irish whip because someone got a rope burn.

Lance Storm Speaks His Mind

2005-08-14T13:18:00.000+01:00

Lance Storm, whose website is always good for a peek into behind-the-scenes life, has posted a couple of insightful commentaries as of late.

One is on the use of steroids in professional sports and his feelings on the matter.

The other discusses the apparent death of kayfabe in the wrestling world. (He mentions the significance of WOW Magazine - co-founded by our very own Blake Norton, who I had the good fortune to interview late last year.)

It's not often that a high-profile wrestler (and a highly respected one to boot) is so candid about the industry, so these are well worth a read.

SmackDown Notes 05.08.05

2005-08-14T13:10:00.000+01:00

SmackDown! was rotten this week. Here's why:

- That stupid Rey Rey/Guerrero feud continued, taking up almost an hour of showtime, and now Christian was sadly thrown into the mix. The poor bastard.

- The new writers can't write. For just one example, surely the whole point of this new Gillian character is that the thing on her face is supposed to be like the elephant in the living room that everyone knows is there, but no one talks about. So to have Gillian cut an atrociously-scripted promo all about it on only her second appearance on TV makes zero sense, and only serves to complete negate the gimmick.

- The WWE is supposed to be hiring all these new scriptwriters from Hollywood to give their product more 'mainstream appeal', more Tinseltown sheen or whatever, and the smart marks complain that they shouldn't be there because they have so little knowledge of wrestling. Silly boys; can't you see that it's not just wrestling they know nothing about? One has to wonder why these 'Hollywood' writers would want to abandon their movie star dreams for a WWE paycheque... could it be that they couldn't get any other work, because they're shit?

- It's obvious the bookers have no clue what to do with Chris Benoit and Booker T. It's pretty simple to me - give Benoit the US title and have him feud with Booker or Christian - but I guess at this stage, common sense is beyond them.

- 'Contract signings' for matches that might actually be watchable are good for a laugh - but Batista versus JBL won't be a good match. (However I am, despite myself, starting to warm to Batista. But I also see his major flaw as a character: he's too real, too laid-back, when he should be much larger than life.)

You know things are going wrong when Velocity is better written and more entertaining than SmackDown!.

Raw Notes 02.08.05

2005-08-14T12:58:00.000+01:00

I'm back! With another running commentary - from yours truly! For the full experience, this is best read while watching the show (but for health and safety reasons, I highly advice against that):

- At the top of the show, Jericho rambled on about John Cena. Cena did a run in, of course, and they slapped each other's ears in that silly way as wrestlers do. Eric Bischoff squealed about something or other, then made Jericho the special referee for Cena's title defense against Carlito. Deja vu? Or uninsipred booking? You decide.

- I love it when JR says Chris Masters is "a great wrestler" because it's so obvious he can't stand the guy.

- Shelton Benjamin's been relegated to teaming with The Big Show? Please JR, you gotta help the kid! (Even if he did go and get his feel caught on the ropes again - seriously, Shelton, practice!)

- There's a dichotomy arising here: JR and the KIng have been putting Benjamin over wildly, but the booking team seem determined to bury him. I wonder what Shelton himself feels about it; I know his friend Charlie Haas doesn't have the kindest words to say about the writers (in the latest issue of Power Slam, he calls Dave Lagana a "jerk" and "a mark for himself").

- Despite myself, I like Eugene. And it was smart to book Christy as his cheerleader.

- What do you bet Eugene will be the first to be sacrificed to the Boogeyman when he finally debuts?

- Tatanka's lost a little weight since the last time I saw him, about three years ago at IWW's debut show. But who am I kidding? He's still pretty fat. He could rival Animal in the belly stakes! Time to hit the gym, Chavis!

- I noticed Vince McMahon didn't do that stupid-ass strut to the ring. I had a feeling it couldn't be good for his health.

- Vince's big announcement? Matt Hardy is back - officially, this time! Ooh, big surprise. Let's hope they keep him around for a while, and give him a chance to prove himself.

- But keep him away from the mic, please. He needs more promo work than Chris Benoit. Although that remark about wishing Adam Copeland dead in a car crash was a nice touch. He's not bitter at all, that Hardy fella.

- I was disappointed, though, that he didn't shoot on Johnny Ace like he's been doing for the past few weeks. I guess now that Johnny's his boss again he has to keep his trap shut. Shame.

- JR's disdain for 'Kerwin White' echoes my own. I mean, seriously, what the fuck?

- Jerry Lawler: "You can always tell when JR doesn't like somebody. He always says 'they're a tremendous athlete'." Bingo!

- More commentary goodness:
Coach: "You do know what rhymes with 'venis', don't you?"
JR: (silence)
Coach: "Meanness."
JR: "Meanness?"
Coach (to King): "That wasn't what JR was thinking."

- No wonder JR hates the guy.

- I have to say, Shawn Michaels does a pretty good impression of Hulk Hogan, brother.

- Actually, now that I think about it, it's more like Superstar Billy Graham.

- Nice to see John Cena getting the chutzpah slapped out of him by Jericho and Carlito at the end. Didn't really count as a match, though.

SmackDown! Notes 29.07.05

2005-07-31T14:30:00.000+01:00

SmackDown! was really bad this week, so I won't have much to say:

- Teddy Long and JBL yammered on for ages about nothing.

- Chris Benoit and Booker T beat Christian and Orlando Jordan in a long, drawn-out match that should have been far more interesting than it actually was.

- You know who would have made a great tag team at one point? Booker T and Kurt Angle. There's something about those two that would have made them a great combo. Ain't gonna happen now, though.

- Animal and Heidenreich squashed Chris Hamrick and some other guy. Wasn't Hamrick a big time heel in the dying days of ECW? My, how the mighty have fallen...

- MNM now have a 'fixer'. And how's this for a gimmick: she's got a funny growth on her face, like that nurse in South Park with the stillborn foetus on the side of her head in. Har-de-har-har. That's probably all I'll ever have to say about her.

- Eddie finally told the secret - not that it was a secret, because anyone with two brain cells to rub together could have seen it coming. But what I want to know is: why didn't they reveal it at the pay-per-view? I mean, they did sell the show on the premise that the secret might be revealed, so why did they cheat it out of the fans then, and then give the secret away for free four days later? That's the kind of booking that made WCW collapse on itself.

- Did you notice how convenient is was that there was an empty chair propped against the barrier so Rey's son could use it as a step up to get into the crowd and run away? God this whole angle is so fucking lame!

- Showing the Lord Alfred Hayes tribute video again isn't going to make up for this terrible show, you know.

- William Regal has an 'English' entrance theme once more. Also, the Mexicools again interrupted one of his matches. Why do I notice these things? Oh god I'm losing the will to live.

- In the main event, JBL and the Undertaker tumbled around the ring for half an hour in an interminable, yawn-inducing match. I was so bored I didn't even notice Randy Orton do a run-in at the end. Blah.

And so to bed.

Vince Upset, And Other News

2005-07-26T22:48:00.000+01:00

411 Wrestling reports that Vince McMahon "was not happy with the Great American Bash PPV last night and was visably (sic) upset about it backstage." I have to ask, if he was really so upset about it, then why was last night's Raw so bad?

In other news, Inside Pulse has some interesting behind-the-scenes details on the Edge/Lita/Hardy angle, as well as this little tid-bit about Lita apparently shooting on Hardy when he interrupted her recent Byte This! interview. I really don't know what to believe about this any more; best to let the bookers weave their little webs and wait for something more interesting to develop.

Raw Notes 26.07.05

2005-07-26T21:42:00.000+01:00

- Eugene's back, and he took Kurk Angle's gold medal, too. I have a sinking feeling this'll be the highlight of the show...

- Viscera and a midget took on the Heartthrobs and another midget. Has Vince McMahon gone insane??

- Jim Ross introduced a tribute video to the late Lord Alfred Hayes. If only they'd made it longer and cut out that bloody midget match...

- All I'll say is: bring back Max Mini.

- Next up is the 'battle of the bands', which was a complete waste of time as Fozzy didn't even perform. But I should be used to the WWE reneging on their promises by now.

- Slowly but surely, Holy Joe Shawn Michaels is morphing back into Asshole Shawn Michaels circa 1993. That can only be a good thing.

- Did you hear the cheers for Carlito? He's getting over, I'm telling you. But only as a heel. If they ever turn him face...

- Why did they book Chris Masters to squash Shelton Benjamin? Is this some sort of punishment for Benjamin's risk-taking? If it is, it sure is funny seeing as they never had any problems with it before. Benjamin is one of the brightest stars they have, and jobbing him out to a talentless lump of muscle like Masters makes about as much sense as putting Orlando Jordan over Chris Benoit.

- Surely the whole point of the Diva Search 'Hot Dog Eating Contest' was that the women were supposed to act slutty doing it? (I mean, hot dogs? They're long and pink and they're putting them in their mouths! Har har.) But they didn't. They just ate them. So what was the point? Any why am I even writing about this?

- It's Edge versus Kane again, this time in a stretcher match. They've been feuding for a few weeks now, but it isn't really working. You just know that no one gives a crap about the match - they're just waiting for Matt Hardy to do a run-in. They could be wrestling the match of the year, or shooting at each other with guns - but every fan in the building would have one eye on the crowd, or the stage, on the lookout for a Hardy appearance.

- And by the way, isn't it odd that the commentary team haven't even acknowledged Hardy's presence at the last few shows. He's done three run-in spots by now, and not a peep. The first time, fair enough. The second, maybe. But three times and no word? That's just preposterous.

- They're really pushing it now, and trying my patience. But hey, it was funny to hear Edge drop the f-bomb.

- Jericho got the upper hand over John Cena at the end of the night. And Carlito got himself a title shot. Not that he needs it, since he's already IC Champ, but still its nice to see his push continue.

- Was that it? Jesus, have the writers gone on holiday? Honestly, I've never written for a wrestling show, but I've watched enough over the last fifteen years to know I could write far better crap than this.

More Thoughts on the '05 Bash

2005-07-25T23:17:00.000+01:00

The Wrestling Blog has a good discussion going about last night's card. Most seem to feel the same way as me.

The more I think about it, it's clear the matches were no step above the weekly TV fare; I guess that's the price we pay for getting a supercard once a month.

Remember when a major show used to mean something? Hell, I still remember when they only ran four pay-per-views a year! The anticipation was a big part of it too; they would build up these events for weeks beforehand. Not any more.

The Great American Bash: Review

2005-07-25T13:06:00.000+01:00

Overall, The Great American Bash didn't live up to the hype for me. However, excluding ECW One Night Stand, I've come to expect that from most WWE shows over the last few years; SummerSlam will probably be more of the same. Anyway, here are my notes from the card as it was in progress:

Animal and Heidenreich def. WWE Tag Team Champions MNM So my prediction was wrong, but I did say I wouldn't be surprised if the belts changed hands. MNM will get them back soon, probably at the next SmackDown!.

Booker T def. Christian Not a bad match; Booker T finished it with an impressive scissorkick from the second rope. I can see a better rematch in their future.

United States Champion Orlando Jordan def. Chris Benoit I don't understand this one at all. It doesn't make any booking sense. Jordan doesn't deserve the title; he's a boring wrestler with a limited moveset consisting of punches, kicks and armbars. Benoit totally carried the match - and the fans knew it, giving him an appreciative send-off. But he should have been given the title as well.

The Undertaker def. Muhammad Hassan Hassan was brought to the ring on a sedan carried by five terrorists - sorry, sympathisers. They're really milking this for all it's worth, aren't they? But enough about that. It was a boring match, as to be expected, though Hassan sold his beating well. Afterwards, the superhuman Undertaker single-handedly fought off Hassan, Daivari and the five goons, then lifted a panel off the entrance stage floor to powerbomb Hassan through the hole (giving the technicians just enough time to remove the safety padding before pointing the camera down there after him). Oooh, I'm shocked.

The Mexicools def. The Blue World Order First of all, I want one of those big-wheeled tricycles the bWo pedalled to the ring on! They're fucking sweet! As for the match, I was right about the time - the bookers gave it less than five minutes. Good, but could have been so much better. By the way, that Mike Bucci guy is in a pretty cushy situation, getting to play both a face and a heel at the same time. When was the last time that happened?

Rey Misterio def. Eddie Guerrero Rey Rey brought his son to ringside for the match. They should have sat him with Tazz and Cole so he could do commentary: "Daddy! Noooooo!" Heh heh... You know I had the weirdest feeling watching this, that Rey's son was going to interfere in the match, cost the victory for his dad and leave with Eddie, both of them laughing and grinning... But I'm glad that didn't happen, and my prediction was correct: Rey Rey won again, and we learned nothing of the stupid 'secret'.

Melina def. Torrie Wilson They all got stripped to their underwear anyway, so it doesn't really matter who won, does it? Why this crap was so high up on the card is beyond me.

JBL def. World Champion Batista An overlong, '80s-style big man match; they even threw in the ol' 'referee gets knocked out' routine. Batista was disqualified when the referee just happened to wake up while he was whacking JBL with a chair - but he retained the title, as predicted.

It was a pretty disappointing show all in all, one that teased a lot but delivered little. I'm glad I didn't pay for it. Maybe when SummerSlam rolls around the creative team will write a cheque that the show can cash.

The Great American Bash: Preview

2005-07-24T23:24:00.000+01:00

So tonight's supershow will the first Great American Bash I've seen in 13 years (I didn't get WCW on TV when the Bash was revived in 1995, and I didn't want to pay to see it last year on Sky Box Office). Will it live up to the 1992 extravaganza? I don't know; that one had Jushin 'Thunder' Liger on it, so it'll be hard to beat! Let's have a run-down of the card:

Eddie Guerrero vs Rey Misterio This feud just hasn't grabbed me at all. Oh I was interested months ago, back when they were building up for the WrestleMania match (which was a damp squib). And I was taken in by Eddie's heel turn a few months ago, even though it took far too long. But since then it's been pretty uninspired, and this silly 'secret' rubbish is just a tiresome tease. That kind of thing was done a decade ago in ECW, and it was done better then too. This match better be something really special if it's to hold my attention. Prediction: Misterio wins again, and we learn nothing of the 'secret'.

Booker T vs Christian This feud just kinda came out of nowhere, and there's no real motivation to it other than the 'new turk muscling in on someone else's territory' thing. And Christian's squashing of him last week almost killed any potential for an even-handed battle. But they're both great wrestlers, so if this is booked right it could be the match of the night. Prediction: hard to tell how they'll swing it, but I say Christian, with a little cheating.

Animal and Heidenreich vs WWE Tag Team Champions NMN However nice it would be to see the faces lift the titles, there's no way they'll take the belts off NMN. Then again, maybe they will, and trade them back on the next SmackDown!... Prediction: MNM cheat to win, but I won't be surprised if the opposite happens and the angle continues.

United States Champion Orlando Jordan vs Chris Benoit This match has absolutely no heat behind it. Zero build-up, and they haven't cut any promos about each other. The only reason this match could possibly exist is to put the title on Benoit. In fact, if they don't I'll be mighty pissed off, since Orlando 'Virgil with hair' Jordan is far worse than Virgil ever was. Prediction: Benoit wins the gold, makes the fan boys happy.

Melina vs Torrie Wilson I wish I could fast-forward real life so I don't have to witness this abomination. Please Trish Stratus, come back!! We need you!! Prediction: I don't care.

The Mexicools vs The Blue World Order The definition of filler, and you just know the bookers will give it less then ten minutes. But it could be fast-paced and entertaining enough to keep me awake. Prediction: The Mexicools will cheat to win. Because that's what Mexicans do, right? They cheat! Because they're Mexicans! Right? Dear God, someone please send the WWE to a race relations counselor.

The Undertaker vs Muhammad Hassan This is supposed to be a #1 contender's match, and Hassan was supposed to go over so he could face Batista at SummerSlam, but after all the controversy we all know that Hassan is going bye-bye after tonight, so it's pretty obvious what'll happen. Punch kick punch kick, Hassan gets upper hand for five minutes, Taker does the 'dead man' schtick and rallies back, rope walk, clothesline, punch kick, tombstone, one two three. Prediction: Undertaker wins, messes up the bookers' plans for the rest of the summer.

JBL vs World Champion Batista The WWE would be clinically insane to take the belt off Batista tonight. He's slowly but surely getting over with the fans, and I'll be watching this one with interest just to see if he can pull off a worthwhile contest with someone who has no intentions of carrying him. Prediction: Batista to retain the title, of course, but JBL might make things hard for him.

I'll post a quick review of the show tomorrow, and see if any of my predictions will ring true.

Muhammad Hassan is Dead

2005-07-24T23:17:00.000+01:00

That is, the character of Muhammad Hassan is being killed off by the WWE after tonight's Great American Bash.

The controversy surrounding the character has been plastered all over the mainstream media in the States in the weeks since the London bombings, when the WWE unwisely added a mock terrorist element to Hassan's angle with the Undertaker. The news stories are all pretty much like this AP newswire piece, which contains some hilarious quotes from WWE spokesman Gary Davis - like this one, on the distinctly terrorist looking henchmen, dressed in paramilitary fashion, who attacked the Undertaker on Hassan's behalf:

Some people drew the conclusion these people were terrorists even though they were not terrorists.

Yeah, sure. Or how about this howler, on the motivations for creating Hassan in the first place:

The whole point of the story line and this character was to point out the injustices Arab-Americans have suffered since 9-11.

But of course! And exploiting anti-Arab xenophobia by making him a heel was just a coincidence then, no?

I'm sure Vince McMahon doesn't care about the bad press he's getting. It gets attention for his company during a downtime, after all. But you'd think he would have learned his lesson after the Sgt. Slaughter thing 15 years ago, wouldn't you? That was a real money spinner, that was -- so much so that WrestleMania VII got moved from the 100,000-seater Los Angeles Coliseum to the 16,000-seat Sports Arena next door. From the way he was booked from the outset Hassan was never intended to put bums on seats, so the only explanation for his existence was to pander to trailer-trash ultra-nationalists.

But after tonight it'll be over, good riddance - na na nah nah, hey hey hey, goodbye, and all that - and Vince will have to come up with something better. Like, I dunno, the Boogeyman?

SmackDown! Notes 22.07.05

2005-07-24T21:58:00.000+01:00

- Rey Misterio and Super Crazy open the show with an entertaining, if a little strange, contest. Lots of lucha-style exchanges but with a methodical, almost plodding pace which reeked of management telling the pair to tone down their wrestling styles. And that's beside the fact that the bout played second fiddle to Rey Rey's feud with Eddie 'I used to be Eddy' Guerrero - who sat himself at ringside for most of the match, spouting nonsense to Tazz while the action went on sans commentary, and then rushed the ring to attack Misterio for a cheap ending.

- I'm pretty much bored with this silly 'secret' business by now; I hope the Bash this weekend will see the end of it.

- Eddie tries to leave the arena afterwards but Teddy Long isn't having any of it. He puts Eddie in a match against a 'mystery opponent' later on in the show.

- You know, I'm glad Teddy Long is still around. He's one of the last people still going strong from when I started watching wrestling back in the day.

- I'm ignoring the stupid JBL promos.

- Animal and Heidenreich squash a couple of jobbers in about 30 seconds. Ah, it's like Wrestling Challenge all over again...

- Eddie comes out for his match with... Chris Benoit! Revenge for One Night Stand, perhaps? Of course not - they didn't even mention it. Ironically, the match itself was just as unremarkable, especially by their usual standards. Sure, it might have been better than I thought, but I was tired, and it didn't exactly perk me up.

- Long story short: Benoit wins by count-out when Eddie abandons the match. Then Eddie gets blindsided by Misterio at the entrance area. I'm still yawning.

- Quote of the Week: "Now I respect you Booker, and I respect what you do in this ring. But what I don't respect is your wife Sharmell, and I don't respect the way that she goes to the buffet line not one, not twice, but five times! Five times! Five times!" Simon Dean, you saved this whole show for me.

- The rest doesn't even deserve commenting on, other than that bit where the censors bleeped Batista for saying 'act'... well that's what it sounded like to me, anyway.

Lord Alfred Hayes Passes Away

2005-07-21T20:50:00.000+01:00

Another death in the wrestling world: Lord Alfred Hayes has passed away at the age of 77. Apparently of ill health for some time, it's still a surprise to know he's gone.

I remember Hayes from the last few years of his time in the WWF as a commentator, and from my video collection of early pay-per-views; not being a fan in the 80's (or living in America, for that matter) I never got to see his shenanigans on Tuesday Night Titans, and as a consequence he doesn't mean so much to me as he would to others. But still...

Earl Hebner Fired

2005-07-20T21:24:00.000+01:00

The wrestling news sites are reporting that veteran WWE referee Earl Hebner has been fired for allegedly selling WWE merchandise without consent through a business co-owned with his twin brother Dave (a former referee himself who retired to work in the back office and, as it seems, has ~~kept his job~~ also been released).

Earl Hebner is notorious for his participation in two historic angles. The first was his debut back in 1988, as the 'evil twin' referee employed by Ted DiBiase to make sure Andre the Giant beat Hulk Hogan for the WWF Championship (so he could buy the title from him, you see... ah, angles were so much more fun back in the day).

The second, of course, was the infamous Montreal Screwjob in 1997; Earl Hebner was the referee for that match and, though he was just the middleman, he did call for the bell to end the match and put the belt on Shawn Michaels - breaking a pledge to Bret Hart not to fuck him over.

To this day he never has refereed on another televised show in Quebec - and now it's likely he never will. So long, Earl. (And Dave, too.)

Raw Notes 19.07.05

2005-07-20T13:13:00.000+01:00

- It's Shelton Benjamin versus Carlito in a rematch for the IC title. Last week Carlito got himself counted out to keep the belt, so this time the title can change hands by count-out too. What are the chances Carlito will get himself disqualified this week, hmmm?

- It's offensive, really, since Carlito is a much better wrestler than the booking would lead you to believe. And besides, this kind of thing runs out of steam after a couple of weeks, which is stupid because they have the makings for a long-running, entertaining feud here.

- Is it just me, or is Benjamin losing confidence in himself? He could be selling it as part of his character, but I swear every time he goes for a high-risk move, up to the top or using the ropes as a springboard, he loses his footing just a bit, falters slightly, takes a moment longer before he leaps as if he's afraid of slipping. I've noticed it ever since that blown spot a few weeks ago, just before Vengeance (which Carlito covered for admirably, all credit to him). I'm sure it's obvious to anyone who's watching for workrate. Maybe he just needs some more practice ring time to get over the mental hump, if that is what's going on.

- "He competes with reckless abandon ... that's his style." That's a barely-coded message from Jim Ross if there ever was one. Ross is a good mentor to the boys; I'm sure he's already had a friendly word in Benjamin's ear.

- Matt Striker - I mean, Matt Martel - returns for another shot at Kurt Angle's Olympic gold medal. And he takes Angle to the limit again, too. I know this is just the WWE making nicey-nice with the internet smarts, but it's still good to see a popular indie worker getting a little respect, however little that is.

- Fast-forwarding through the Raw Diva Search...

- Has Eric Bischoff found his long-lost twin brother? 'Cause looking at him and Chavo Guerrero - sorry, Kerwin White - standing together, I'd swear they were separated at birth.

- You know, besides the fact that he can't wrestle for shit, I really can't see the point of Chris Masters even existing as a character. Isn't it odd that the WWE would invest all that money - in terms of promos, music, pyro, airtime on Raw, etc. - in a gimmick which is essentially lost in limbo? He's sold as having a finishing move that's unstoppable, but if that's so then why is he only squashing low-to-mid-carders? Surely if it's so good he should be champion by now, right? And why has he only wrestled a handful of matches on TV in the four months since his debut?... Maybe because no one higher up the card will risk getting injured in the ring with him? (Everyone saw what happened to Stevie Richards. No one wants a broken orbital bone.) Or maybe because the WWE doesn't want to expose his inherent weakness as a worker? Tajiri might have been able to carry him last week, but Tajiri is the exception; I doubt anyone with a higher profile or more sway with management would be so accommodating. His confrontation with the Big Show just confirms all of this for me: Masters is all talk, but no action.

- Hulk Hogan answers Shawn Michaels' dastardly heel challenge for 'one more match' at SummerSlam. Yawn. Please forgive me for my lack of interest. I was at WrestleMania X-8; I was right there at SkyDome with 68,000 hosers for Hogan V Rock (see the photos if you don't believe me) and that should have been the last stand. I don't see this one living up to it in the slightest.

- It's Edge against Kane in a steel cage match - and surprise surprise! Matt Hardy attacks Edge outside the ring. While the 'security guards' hold him down he shoots on Johnny Ace, and Edge taunts him about going back to the indies. Funny that the commentary team still haven't mentioned his name on air...

- The cage match was pretty boring, by the way. I never bought Edge as a credible singles wrestler, he's just too goofy-looking.

- John Cena in a backstage interview with Maria; "Cena safari?" Pul-lease...

- I do like Maria, though. It takes some kind of skill to play ditzy that well.

- So the main event is a lumberjack match between Cena and Snitsky, the worst-named wrestler in history? (It's even worse than Buff Bagwell, which is saying something.) I'm sorry, I can't watch it. But [hits fast-forward till the end] since Cena won, we do get to see a 'battle of the bands' between him and Chris Jericho next week, which might be good for comedy value. I say might.

Everyone Was United

2005-07-17T22:08:00.000+01:00

There's a great interview on by Keith Elliot Greenberg on WWE.com with former referee Dick Kroll, who may be the only official to work title matches for the big three (WWWF, NWA and AWA) in the same year.

It's a valuable window into a time when wrestling fans were really passionate about the sport, like Kroll's recounting of the 1972 Shea Stadium spectacle between Bruno Sammartino and Pedro Morales:

There was a lot of ethnic tension. When I walked through the parking lot before the match, the Italians recognized me and said, ‘Bruno better not lose.’ Then, the Puerto Ricans said, ‘Pedro better win.’ Fortunately, it was a draw. And when Bruno and Pedro hugged, and waved the American, Italian and Puerto Rican flags after the match, the tension went away. Everyone was united.

SmackDown! Notes 15.07.05

2005-07-15T23:24:00.000+01:00

The first of a regular feature here, my running commentary of the WWE's weekly TV programmes, starting with this week's SmackDown!. Don't expect a recap; a lot of this won't make sense unless you watch the show yourself:

- Eddie Guerrero's wife says he's gone too far with the whole Rey Misterio thing. He's gone too far, alright - now he's a domestic abuser! No hope for him turning face any time soon, then...

- Let me get this straight. They fired Akio, but they kept Scotty 2 Hotty. Right.

- Juvi needs to practice that 450 splash a bit more; if I were Paul London I'd be mighty ticked off with him right now.

- Hardcore Holly = Ratings.

- What kind of a name is Hardcore Holly anyway? Sounds like a reject from GLOW or something...

- Did you catch Batista's promo? He's been working on his Grin of Death, I noticed.

- That thing Heidenreich does with his right arm... I wish he'd stop that.

- Wait, what's that music? "Oooooh what a rush!" It's Road Warrior... Animal! (I guess it pays to have a brother who's Vice President of Talent Relations, eh?)

- Johnny Nitro gets some major bad-taste points for that crack about Hawk. "His partner's dead!" indeed.

- Can you really make a whole match out of chops to the chest? I don't know, but Hardcore Holly was determined to try.

- "There's no give in this table!" That's right, Michael Cole, you keep on telling yourself that.

- Holly tapped out before Eddie even stepped over to lock in the cloverleaf. Either he was punking him out for real, or he really is a fucking wimp.

- Close-up of Eddie. Has he got a cold sore?

- Nice vignette for the Boogeyman. Reminds me of Papa Shango. Scary. (Hey, I was 12! That shit was scary then!)

- It's just a shame I know he's really the guy who was kicked out of Tough Enough for lying about his age. Doesn't seem so scary now.

- That Booker T/Christian match was a bit of a rip-off. Would've made for a great main event, but instead we've got...

- Batista versus Orlando Jordan. Excuse me while I fix myself a snack.

- [Five minutes later] Over already? That was quick. Ah, I know why - they cut out the Muhammad Hassan angle again. For the better, I say.

Bad Press Over Muhammad Hassan

2005-07-14T10:35:00.000+01:00

The WWE seems pretty happy with all the negative publicity surrounding the Muhammad Hassan affair last Thursday.

Luckily for us viewers outside of the US, the segment - in which Hassan was assisted by a group of masked 'terrorists' in attacking the Undertaker - was edited from the edition of SmackDown! that was shown here on Friday night, due to the bombings in London the day before. However in the US it was broadcast - and on the day of the bombings, no less.

Even though the segment was conceived of and filmed before the bombings took place (SmackDown! is taped on Tuesdays) it's bad form for the WWE to exploit the situation for the sake of press coverage. And it's equally bad taste to make it a work, like they've done by posting Hassan's response.

Even besides the fact that the guy playing Hassan isn't even an Arab, the whole thing is too cheap and nasty for me. It smacks of pandering to the base prejudices of trailer-trash hicks, and makes me want to switch off.

Expenses Controversy For The Great Sasuke

2005-07-13T22:09:00.000+01:00

Mainichi Daily News reports that The Great Sasuke - masked wrestler, promoter, and Japanese assembly member - has been accused of using taxpayers' money to cover his travel expenses for a wrestling event.

The man himself proclaims his innocence. "I studied the differences in specifications between the Tohoku and Akita Shinkansen lines and how passengers are using the lines," he said. "I also inspected station buildings. I did nothing wrong, so I reported it."

Whatever he did, and whatever the moral implications, you can't really fault him there. Besides, he is a politician - they're supposed to fudge the facts and use a little spin, it's what they do - and the amount claimed is the equivalent of a measly €70. (In an expensive country like Japan, it's probably worth even less than that.)

This isn't the first time Sasuke has been involved in controversy. A couple of years ago he was alleged to have starred in a porn movie (never proven to be true), and after his election to public office got into trouble with senior politicians for vowing not to remove his mask in session. Seems like a fun guy, I must say.

On a barely related note, WWE fans might remember Sasuke from his stint in the federation in the summer of 1997, when he came in on a wave of publicity only to have his thunder stolen by TAKA Michinoku, and disappeared quickly after. (However the two did have a couple of classic matches that are still remembered fondly today... at least I remember them.)

The Internet Reacts to Hardy's Return

2005-07-13T22:06:00.000+01:00

Here's a long update on the situation from InsidePulse with plenty of quotes from IWC bigshots. And amazingly, I actually agree with Scott Keith:

Thank god for the Matt Hardy angle, because it finally gives me something to sink my teeth into as a fan and makes me want to watch and see what happens next. That's a feeling that's been lacking for a long time.

Hear, hear!

Shinya Hashimoto, 1965-2005

2005-07-13T14:43:00.000+01:00

The Japanese wrestling industry is mourning the loss of Shinya Hashimoto, who died of a suspected brain aneurysm on Monday. He was only 40.

Regarded as the 'Japanese Elvis' by fans due to his vague resemblance to The King, Hashimoto was a mainstay of New Japan Pro Wrestling throughout the '90s, winning the IWGP championship, and co-founded the ZERO-ONE promotion with Shinjiro Otani a few years ago. He also competed outside of Japan, wrestling for Stu Hart's Stampede territory and independents in the States in the late 1980s, while some might remember him as Hiroshi Hase's partner in the NWA Tag Team title tournament at the 1992 Great American Bash.

Hashimoto became a free agent last year after a squabble with ZERO-ONE, and was apparently planning a return to New Japan after recovering from shoulder surgery. While his death is a shock, it has emerged that he was under a lot of stress in recent months, and his family has a history of cerebral haemmoraging.

Slam! Wrestling has more on the story, while Puroresu Power has reviewed the Japanese press' reaction and posted a special Power Hour tribute show (large file; there's a stream available for dial-up users). There's also a piece by David Ditch at InsidePulse on why Hashimoto earned the tag of 'legend' in the annals of puroresu.

On the Recent Roster Cuts

2005-07-13T14:17:00.000+01:00

Last week World Wrestling Entertainment announced the release of a number of superstars from their contracts. As you can imagine, it was quite a jolt to the locker-room morale to see that many go at once.

This roster pruning is becoming something of an annual event, and while it does clear valuable space for new stars to come up from the developmental territories like Ohio Valley Wrestling, it usually leaves at least one worthy competitor who hasn't been given a chance getting cut before he can prove himself.

Some of the names on this summer's list probably won't be missed too much (Mark Jindrak and Matt Morgan are pretty forgettable; the Dudleys' time is up, and Spike is reported to have a catalogue of injuries; and it seems Marty Jannetty had a spot of trouble with the law before his development stint even started) and others were to be expected (Jim Cornette's too old-school and knowledgeable for the failed sit-com writers in creative today) but a few are a genuine surprise.

Take Maven. While never setting the world on fire since winning his contract at the first Tough Enough, he was never really given a chance to shine or improve himself. His short-lived program with Shelton Benjamin proved that creative had little confidence in him, even though he was getting over as a heel. I might not have cared if he was cut while still a babyface, but now it's a shame to see him go.

The same goes for Billy Kidman and Akio. Surely if you start adding to the cruiserweight division - like they've done by hiring Super Crazy, Psicosis and Juventud Guerrera - it doesn't make sense to fire guys who could have some five-star matches with the new recruits. Kidman, and Akio especially, didn't have the most charismatic characters - but most of the fault for that lies with creative, not them. Letting them go was a dumb move in my opinion. (Maybe they were jealous of Akio's corkscrew moonsault. Who knows?)

It's the last we'll see of them for the time being. But the WWE has been known to change its mind and take people back, with a little persuading.

Matt Hardy: Work or Shoot?

2005-07-12T16:41:00.000+01:00

It was a work, obviously. But a beautifully-executed one.

If you didn't see it already, Matt Hardy returned to the WWE on last night's Raw, attacking Edge and Lita backstage and then later in the ring after Edge's match with Kane. In the latter melee Hardy managed to grab a mic and cut a short shoot promo (with a plug for Ring of Honor, too) before he was grabbed by gang of security and road agents, handcuffed and 'ejected from the building'. It was breathtaking, the stuff of smarts' dreams. It was wrestling gone real.

And it was brilliantly planned. They had the wool pulled right over the eyes of the Internet Wrestling Community. You can ignore all the heads proclaiming they knew it all along - I guarantee you that no one saw this coming. As soon as they saw Matt Hardy run in from out of nowhere, the first thought on their minds was 'shoot'. And that's the beauty of it.

Of course, upon closer scrutiny the ruse begins to crumble. (I mean, if it was really a shoot then why did the camera stay on Hardy? And why did they drag him up the ramp to the back when throwing him out the front door would have been easier?) But the veil of kayfabe is always a thin one, dependent on the suspension of disbelief. And to the WWE's credit, my disbelief was very much suspended.

(It's a bonus that the rest of the show was above average, too: Roddy Piper got a big pop, and a kick in the face from the heel Shawn Michaels; Carlito had a great match with Shelton Benjamin that ended cheaply; while Tajiri showed just how valuable he is by carrying Chris Masters for their entire match before putting him over. So well done, WWE. It's almost enough to make me forgive you for the Mexicools. Only almost, though.)

But you know what else is perfect about this Matt Hardy angle? It works even for those who don't know what happened behind the scenes.

Think about it: the last time Hardy was on screen was when Lita 'married' Kane. In his time away Hardy was distraught, a feeling that changed to anger seeing how Lita turned on him and embraced Kane as her husband. His rage grew stronger as she turned her affections to Edge, who was supposed to be his friend. It was all too much for him, and he had to get his revenge... and I gleaned all of that just from the on-screen storylines.

See? It's perfect! But I hope the writers and the bookers can play it out without dropping the ball.

The Ground Rules

2005-07-12T12:02:00.000+01:00

Before I get this blog going in earnest, a few caveats:

- This is an entirely personal endeavour. I'm not pretending to be a source of news or original journalism (though some might appear from time to time). This is first and foremost a place for me to yammer about an industry that interests me. If I'm talking to myself, that's fine by me.

- My comment will be overwhelmingly weighted towards World Wrestling Entertainment - not because of any aversion to other wrestling companies, but simply because WWE is the only wrestling I see on TV on a regular basis. I don't yet have The Wrestling Channel, so the current happenings of NWA:TNA and the Japanese leagues are pretty much unavailable to me outside of what I read in magazines or on the web (and I don't have the time to tape trade or the money to spend on bootlegs, however much I'd like to).

- From time to time I might also post about the UFC and mixed martial arts - mainly because it's interesting to me, and there's an evident crossover with wrestling in terms of its audience despite the inherent differences. When it comes to wrestling I'm no puritan.

- I may link to definitions of terms or phrases that might seem obvious to those 'in the know', but I'm no elitist. They might prove helpful to someone who's new to the game and just happens to stumble on this site.

- Comments are very welcome, but only if they're relevant to the particular post or discussion. Anything else will be removed at my discretion. It's my site, I'm the referee and my decision is final.

These rules may be added to or modified as I see fit. Just so we're clear.

Why I'm Still A Fan

2005-07-11T20:45:00.000+01:00

I'm starting this blog at a strange time for pro wrestling, and especially for myself as a fan. Because frankly, I'm sick of it.

I started watching the World Wrestling Federation about 15 years ago, WCW soon after, and then a little later kept track of the Japanese promotions and the US indie scene through magazines like Pro Wrestling Illustrated. I started watching, and kept watching, during a time when wrestling was definitely not cool.

I was there for the last gasps of Hulkamania; I read with awe about the birth of 'extreme' in Philadelphia, and the revolution that was the New World Order; I stuck out the blandness of the mid-90s for the dawn of the 'Attiude' era, when suddenly it was cool to admit to being a fan. And I'm just about hanging on now, as the 'sport' languishes in the doldrums.

I look back on the early years now and I cringe at how bad some of it was. But the stories were gripping, the build-ups to the major shows were meticulous, and the end result was generally more satisfying than what we're served with today.

I keep watching, week after week. I watch with hope despite myself, waiting for that special something to make me jump out of my seat. But, barring the odd exception, it never comes.

I long for the theatre and excitement, and the top-class skill and athleticism that drew me to wrestling in the first place. What I get are openly racist gimmicks like Kerwin White or Muhammad Hassan or The Mexicools, or reckless, characterless, muscle-bound freaks who'll be physical wrecks before you can say 'Superstar Billy Graham'.

I still watch, but I find myself fast-forwarding through most of the shows, bored by the tired angles written by washed-up soap writers who've never watched wrestling a day of their lives; bored by the bland, repetitive ring-work; and insulted by the lack of respect for the fans, the people who pay their salaries. It's almost like I'm watching out of obligation, like a chore.

Frankly, I'm sick of it.

Yet one Sunday this past June, in the middle of the night, during ECW's One Night Stand, I remembered why I used to love wrestling so much -- and why I still do, in spite of it all. It's because it was fun.

There were no politics, there was no bullshit. Just an incredible atmosphere, some old-school angles, and kick-ass wrestling. They went out there and they put on a show for the fans, and it was great fun. No matter how the WWE contingent tried to ruin it, they couldn't dampen the spirit of fun felt by each and every fan in attendance, and doubtless each and every person who watched the show at home.

Watching ECW come back to life for that one night was an invigorating experience for me for another reason. I'd never really seen ECW wrestling before a few weeks ago, when my copy of The Rise + Fall of ECW arrived in the post. But after reading about it online and in the pages of Power Slam for over a decade - left out in the proverbial cold - getting a chance to relive the last 10 years with that incredible documentary, and then watching One Night Stand live in the wee hours, made me feel like I was finally invited to the party.

And it also reminded me that there is still a world beyond Vince McMahon's vision of wrestling. There's still a flourishing indie scene in the States, a rapidly growing one in the UK (and even here in Ireland). Japanese wrestling is still producing excellent performers, and lucha libre is enjoying a resurgence in Mexico.

They say that pro wrestling is a cyclical business. I'm starting this blog with the hope that the downturn is making way for the upswing.

I'll be commenting on notable happenings in wrestling all over the world, the good and the bad. I'll be reviewing the major events, both those to come and those of times past. I'll be critiquing the weekly shows, calling it like I see it.

And I'll be doing it all through the perspective of someone who just can't help being a wrestling fan. It's in my blood.