SmackDown! Notes 15.07.05

The first of a regular feature here, my running commentary of the WWE's weekly TV programmes, starting with this week's SmackDown!. Don't expect a recap; a lot of this won't make sense unless you watch the show yourself:

- Eddie Guerrero's wife says he's gone too far with the whole Rey Misterio thing. He's gone too far, alright - now he's a domestic abuser! No hope for him turning face any time soon, then...

- Let me get this straight. They fired Akio, but they kept Scotty 2 Hotty. Right.

- Juvi needs to practice that 450 splash a bit more; if I were Paul London I'd be mighty ticked off with him right now.

- Hardcore Holly = Ratings.

- What kind of a name is Hardcore Holly anyway? Sounds like a reject from GLOW or something...

- Did you catch Batista's promo? He's been working on his Grin of Death, I noticed.

- That thing Heidenreich does with his right arm... I wish he'd stop that.

- Wait, what's that music? "Oooooh what a rush!" It's Road Warrior... Animal! (I guess it pays to have a brother who's Vice President of Talent Relations, eh?)

- Johnny Nitro gets some major bad-taste points for that crack about Hawk. "His partner's dead!" indeed.

- Can you really make a whole match out of chops to the chest? I don't know, but Hardcore Holly was determined to try.

- "There's no give in this table!" That's right, Michael Cole, you keep on telling yourself that.

- Holly tapped out before Eddie even stepped over to lock in the cloverleaf. Either he was punking him out for real, or he really is a fucking wimp.

- Close-up of Eddie. Has he got a cold sore?

- Nice vignette for the Boogeyman. Reminds me of Papa Shango. Scary. (Hey, I was 12! That shit was scary then!)

- It's just a shame I know he's really the guy who was kicked out of Tough Enough for lying about his age. Doesn't seem so scary now.

- That Booker T/Christian match was a bit of a rip-off. Would've made for a great main event, but instead we've got...

- Batista versus Orlando Jordan. Excuse me while I fix myself a snack.

- [Five minutes later] Over already? That was quick. Ah, I know why - they cut out the Muhammad Hassan angle again. For the better, I say.