SummerSlam '05: Results

As I said, I wasn't going to watch it. And I'm glad I didn't. Here's a quick run-down of the results:

Chris Benoit def. United States Champion Orlando Jordan Jordan was jobbed out in 30 seconds. I don't know whether that's a good thing or a bad thing. In any case, Benoit is our new US Champ!

Edge def. Matt Hardy It was on a technicality, apparently; the referee stopped it due to blood loss or whatever. The IWC is debating whether it was worked or whether the turnbuckle spot was blown. You know, the more I think about it, the more I'm sure this whole thing has been a work if not from the beginning, then at least since Hardy's music was played on Raw the week before he returned. I assume that the intention of this match - if it wasn't a giant fuck-up like some are speculating - was to arouse more sympathy for Hardy, so he can get his revenge with all the fans behind him at the next pay-per-view. Seems like a wasted opportunity to me, though.

Ladder Match: Rey Misterio def. Eddie Guerrero I'm sure this would have been a great match if it weren't for the lame angle. I think most would concur that the storyline ruined their enjoyment. At least it's over now. I hope it is.

Kurt Angle def. Eugene Well Angle got his precious medals back, and it definitely wasn't a technical wrestling classic by any account. This is the worst kind of filler. I'd rather watch Animal and Heidenreich beat up on a couple of jobbers.

Randy Orton def. The Undertaker Um, they pretty much retreaded their WrestleMania match. Even down to the interference by Cowboy Bob Orton. The only part they changed was the ending. Can't these writers come up with anything fresh? Jeez.

WWE Champion John Cena def. Chris Jericho From the looks of it, it doesn't seem miles beyond an average Monday night match. Not that I was expecting much anyway, but still...

World Champion Batista def. JBL If I had payed for the show and stayed up to watch it, this is the match I would have fallen asleep to. Now if Brock Lesnar had run out at the end and given Batista an F5 right on the steel steps, that would've been something.

Hulk Hogan def. Shawn Michaels It was just a nostalgia fest, really. I'm sure it's worth something for the purposes of curiosity. But I never liked Hunk Hogan anyway. And why did Michaels turn face again at the end all of a sudden?

Considering seven out of my eight predictions proved true, and considering the lack of genuine surprised and excitement, I'm glad I saved my money.